August 1966

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03. August 1966 – Mother's discoveries

When the mind is active, or rather, as long as the mind is active, when you have dedicated your life and are fully convinced that it's your only raison d'être, you tend to imagine that if you work for the Divine, the whole being participates, and if you aspire to progress, the whole being participates. You are satisfied once all contradiction has disappeared either in the vital or in the mind, and once everything is in agreement and harmonious. You think you have won a victory. But then, now... now that it's the cells of the body that want and aspire, they have been forced to note that suffering, difficulty, opposition, complication, all that is only to make them be wholly, completely, totally and CONSTANTLY in their aspiration.

It's extremely interesting, really very interesting.

I told you last time about those moments I had, which really were moments of realization [of divine Love]; then I clearly saw that it went away because "it" couldn't stay, and I immediately wanted to know why it couldn't stay. To just say, "Things aren't ready... things aren't ready," is quite meaningless. Then the cells themselves observed a sort of... it's something between torpor, drowsiness, numbness and indifference; and that state is mistaken for peace, quietude and acceptance, but it really is... it really is a form of tamas. And that's the reason why it may last for what, to our consciousness, is almost an eternity. And there was, as I told you, an experience [a painful attack]; it recurred in another form (it never recurs in the same form), in another form, and then the cells noticed that that sort of intensity, of ardor of will taking hold of them, that something concrete in the self-giving, in the surrender, does not exist when everything is fine (what people are in the habit of calling "everything is fine," which means that you don't feel your body, there is no difficulty and things are just getting along).

It was almost a disappointment for these cells, which thought they were very ardent (!) and have had to realize that that semi-drowsiness was entirely responsible for all that's habitually called "illnesses" — but I don't believe in "illnesses" anymore. I believe in them less and less. Everything that comes is a particular form of disorder, resistance, incomprehension or incapacity — it all belongs to the domain of resistance. And there isn't really a deliberate resistance [in Mother's cells], I mean, what's conventionally called bad will (I hope this is true! If there is any, they haven't become aware of it yet), but those things come as keen indications of the different points [of work or resistance in Mother's body], so it results in what's called pains, or a sense of disorder, or a discomfort. (A discomfort, that is to say, a sense of disorder or disharmony, is much harder to bear than a sharp pain, much harder; it's like something that starts grating and gets stuck and can't get back into place.) All that, in the ordinary consciousness or the ordinary human view, is what people call "illnesses."

There only remains the phenomenon of contagion (contagion of viruses or germs), but there, experience shows that phenomena of psychological disorder — all psychological disorders — appear to be, according to experience, of the same nature as the contagion of a contagious disease and of all viruses and germs (such as the plague, cholera and so on). There are psychological contagions of psychological states: states of revolt or violence, of anger AND DEPRESSION, are contagious in the same manner, it's a similar phenomenon. Therefore, since it's a similar phenomenon, it can be mastered. It's simply a question of words: we call them "illnesses" (but these [psychological contagions] can also be called illnesses) or we can call them any name we like, it's a question of words, that's all. But it's similar, it's the same thing: it's an opening to disorder or an opening to revolt. We can call it what we like. Only, it's in a different field of vibrations. But the character is identical.

And then, what discoveries I make! Extraordinary discoveries: how every experience always has an obverse and a reverse. For instance, the calm of a vision that's vast enough not to be disturbed by tiny infinitesimal points and is (I was about to say "seems to be," but it doesn't seem to be: it IS) the result of a growth of consciousness and of an identification with the higher regions, and at the same time that apparent insensitiveness that looks like the negation of divine compassion; there comes a point when you see both as having become true and being able to exist not simultaneously but as ONE thing. As recently as the day before yesterday, I had the perfectly concrete experience of an extremely intense wave of divine Compassion [in the face of one of those "psychological contagions"], and I had the opportunity to observe how, if this Compassion is allowed to manifest on a certain plane, it becomes an emotion that may disturb or trouble the imperturbable calm; but if it manifests (they aren't the same "planes": there are imperceptible nuances), if it manifests in its essential truth, it retains all its power of action, of effective help, and it in no way changes the imperturbable calm of the eternal vision.

All those are experiences of nuances (or nuances of experiences, I don't know how to put it) that become necessary and concrete only in the physical consciousness. And then, it results in a perfection of realization — a perfection in the minutest detail — which none of those realizations have in the higher realms. I am learning what the physical realization contributes in terms of concreteness, accuracy and perfection in the Realization; and how all those experiences interpenetrate, combine with each other, complement each other — it's wonderful.

At the same time, I am little by little learning from demonstration the true use that must be made of mental activity. Its purpose is easy to understand: it has been used to educate, awaken and so on; but it's not something that after having done its duty and fulfilled its purpose will disappear. It will be used in its own manner, but in its true manner and true place. And it becomes wonderfully interesting.... For instance, the idea that you are what you think, that your knowledge is your power, well, it seems to be a necessity of the transition, of the passage from one state of consciousness to another, but it's not, as I said, something that will disappear when something else is reached: it will be used, but in its own place. Because when you experience union, the mind appears unnecessary: the direct contact, the direct action, do without it. But in its true place, acting in the true way, sticking to its place (a place not of necessity or even usefulness, but of refinement in action), it becomes quite interesting. When you see the Whole as a growing self-awareness, the mind enriches — it enriches the Whole. And when each thing is in its own place, it all becomes so harmonious and simple, but with such full and complete and perfect simplicity that everything is used.

And with all this, there is (it almost seems to be the key to the problem, to the understanding), there is a special concentration on the why, the how of death.... Years and years ago, when Sri Aurobindo was still here, there came one day a sort of dazzling, imperious revelation: "One dies only when one chooses to die." I told Sri Aurobindo, "This is what I saw and KNEW." He said to me, "It is true." Then I asked him, "Always, in every case?" He said, "Always." Only, one isn't conscious, human beings aren't conscious, but that's how it is. But now I am beginning to understand! Some experiences, some examples are given in the details of the body's inner vibrations, and I see that there is a choice, a choice generally unconscious, but which, in some individuals, can be conscious. I am not talking about sentimental cases, I am talking about the body, the cells accepting disintegration. There is a will like this (Mother raises a finger upward) or a will like that (Mother lowers her finger). The origin of that will lies in the truth of the being, but it seems (and that is something marvelous), it seems that the final decision is left to the choice of the cells themselves.

I am not at all referring to the physical, vital, psychic consciousnesses, not to any of that: I am referring to the consciousness of the cells.

That's how the present moment is: the will may be like this (Mother raises a finger upward), or it may be like that (finger downward). Like that, it means dissolution; like this, it means continuation and progress — continuation with the necessity of progress. There is something which is the consciousness of the cells (a consciousness that observes, and which, when it is awakened, is a wonderful witness), and that consciousness is the one which goes like this (same gesture) or like that. This is expressed by a will to endure or to last, or by a need for the annihilation of rest. And then, when these cells are full of that light — that golden light, that splendor of divine Love — there is a sort of thirst, a need to participate in That, which takes away all that is or can be difficult in the endurance: that disappears, it becomes a glory. Then...

That's what is being learned.

(silence)

But to be able to observe (this is something being worked out on a parallel line), to observe exactly what goes on in this cellular realm, one must be perfectly free from and independent of other human beings' influence. And this is extremely difficult because of that habit of mixture.... It's the sensitiveness of the cells which has difficulty. So constant care must be taken to fasten all that sensitiveness on to the aspiration for the Supreme alone; that's the only way, the solution. You have to do that constantly, every time you feel the influence of others' contact. In ordinary life, of course, to get rid of influences you cut off the contact; well, that movement of withdrawal, recoil, isolation, all those psychological movements (through material isolation in the physical; in the vital, in the psychic, in the mind, everywhere, it always consists in cutting oneself off, in separating oneself), all that is false; it's contrary to the truth. The truth is to... (outspread gesture) to feel the union. And yet, for the cellular work of cellular transformation, an isolation must be reached that isn't a contradiction of the essential unity. And that's a little difficult; it makes for a very delicate, very painstaking, very microscopic work which somewhat complicates matters. But it's possible, for instance, to touch someone, to take someone's hand, and for union to be achieved only in the deeper truth, while outwardly there is just a bringing together of cells.

The work is very intensive, very intensive indeed.

13. August 1966 – Message

"Auroville must be at the service of the Truth, beyond all social, political and religious convictions."

He who lives to serve the Truth is unaffected by any external circumstance.

15. August 1966 – Message

“Not the blind round of the material existence alone and not a retreat from the difficulty of life in the world into the silence of the Ineffable, but the bringing down of the peace and light and power of a greater divine Truth and consciousness to transform Life is the endeavour today of the greatest spiritual seekers in India. Here in the heart of such an endeavour pursued through many years with a single-hearted purpose, living constantly in that all-founding peace and feeling the near and greatening descent of that light and power, the way becomes increasingly clear. One sees the soul of India ready to enter into the fullness of her heritage and the hour of an unparalleled greatness approaching when from her soil shall go forth the call and the leading to the highest destinies of the race."

Sri Aurobindo

17. August 1966 – Sri Aurobindo’s message

Sri Aurobindo was there, and he said to me IN FRENCH (!):

La Vérité ne peut se formuler en mots, mais elle peut être vécue, si l'on est assez pur et plastique. (Truth cannot be formulated in words, but it can be lived, provided one is pure and plastic enough.)

It's fine, isn't it! And the perception was so present: to let oneself be guided by the Truth all the time, like that.

"Pure" means pure of ego, pure of all desire, all preference, all idea: all that must be gone — one must be supple, like that, and let oneself be driven along.

And he gave me the experience at the same time.

I translated it into English — so Sri Aurobindo speaks to me in French and I translate into English! It's amusing.

19. August 1966 – Savitri B10C4

Think not to plant on earth the living Truth

Or make of Matter's world the home of God;

Truth comes not there but only the thought of Truth,

God is not there but only the name of God.

(X.IV.646)

(Mother remains pensive)

Basically, according to Sri Aurobindo, materialistic thought is the gospel of death. No?

It's very interesting.

(silence)

That's basically the point. We say Savitri is an "epic"; so Savitri is the epic of the victory over death.

(silence)

Very interesting. Because once again, all these last few days I have lived almost minute after minute all those things [we've just read], but on a large scale: not on a personal but on a terrestrial scale.

This last line, this argument, it was so concrete: "No, it's not God, it's only his name" — that was yesterday or the day before, not earlier. And then... (Mother recalls her experience)... Strangely, the victories over these arguments have the same character of bursts as did those bursts of Love I lived up above — the same character — and they shatter the resistance. And the something that bursts forth is Love — true Love.

It's very interesting.

And from everywhere, but everywhere, the opposition, the resistance is rising up; and the more it rises up, the more imperative That is.

But at such times one feels how precarious the equilibrium of material life is.... Oh, it's very, very interesting. When I am able to say all this, it will be worthwhile.

27. August 1966 – Message; the dilemma of words

"Every time you act under the impulse of Falsehood, it acts as a blow on my body."

No, one can't think without words, but one can know without words. The phenomena of consciousness that aren't expressed in words are ALWAYS of a much higher quality, much higher.

If only I could make them receive my answer without writing words, it would be really precious, it would save a lot of time. But not one in a thousand receives like that. Some do receive, but very few.

31. August 1966 – The Supreme's action

You see, everything is the Supreme's action to hasten the return of the individual consciousness to the Consciousness — the supreme Consciousness; so then, through the individual (I don't know if you'll be able to follow), the pressure of the Force to be accepted is turned into a will to make itself understood. That's the distortion. And you see, it's extremely subtle. But by "will," I mean a will in the human way, you understand. The pressure of the Force (Mother lays her right hand flat on top of her left hand) to make itself understood by the consciousness (the left hand below), the pressure of the Force on the consciousness to transform it is turned in the intermediary individual into a will to make itself understood.

Another thing. There is instinctively, that is to say, almost subconsciously, almost involuntarily, not a will or an anxiety, or even a curiosity, but a sort of habit of observation: the habit of observing the effect produced on others (it's not bluntly what they think or feel, their opinion; it's not as blunt as that because as soon as it assumes that proportion it makes one smile). It's a sort of habit, a habit of looking at every circumstance not only as you see it, but, at the same time, as, let's say, others see it. It's not an "anxiety" but you take it into account; you take it into account not for its result, but you automatically take it into account in the reaction of the consciousness: what others feel, think, their reactions; not exactly their opinion, but the feeling of their reaction. It's a sort of habit. And that is the fallacious distortion of the sense of Oneness. Of course, we are all ONE, and in the distorted consciousness this oneness is translated as a noticing, an observation (I am not referring to those who are concerned with themselves and for whom it's important, that's not what I mean: it's in the functioning of the consciousness). And that movement of observation has a place, but in this form, it's not a true place. So then, it's so subtle.... There is the sense of Oneness, that every movement of the consciousness has repercussions everywhere, in all consciousnesses because there is only one consciousness, and the distortions are different; it's the distortions that make for diversity.

(silence)

Yet another thing. There is an intense and constant aspiration for Union. It always begins with self-giving — the spontaneous self-giving to the Supreme. But then, there is, mixed into it... (how can I express it?) the expectation (is it an expectation? It's almost just a noticing)... it's not an anxiety for, but rather an expectation, yes, of the result. In other words, in that great will and aspiration for the manifestation of Harmony, of Love in the Truth, in that thirst of the whole, entire being for That which is the source of that Harmony, to the movement of aspiration is added the perception (it's more than the perception: it's the expectation), the expectation of the result, and then, it gets warped (same twisting gesture).

And what I am saying now isn't at all something I see, it's something I lived during my morning walk at 4:30. There were different successive experiences [which Mother has just described], and then, a very clear, very keen perception of the point at which the true experience (same twisting gesture) gets falsified. And it's not something violent, there's nothing dramatic to it, nothing at all, but... it's clearly the difference between the Infinite and Eternal, the All-Powerful [being turned] into the individuality — the individual limitation. And for the ordinary consciousness, the usual consciousness — that is to say, the limited, individual consciousness — that experience itself is marvelous, but you are the "recipient," you are "the one who experiences." That's the point, it's the difference between the pure experience and, all of a sudden, "the one who experiences." And then, with that "the one who experiences," it's over, everything is distorted. Everything is distorted, but not dramatically, you understand, not like that, no. It's the difference between Truth and falsehood. It's a falsehood (how can I explain?)... it's the difference between life and death; it's the difference between Reality and illusion. And the one IS, while the other... remembers having been, or is a witness.

It's very subtle, really very subtle. But it's immense — immense and total.

This body lived the Truth this morning several times for a few seconds (which might have been eternities). But it's obvious that if everything were ready for "that" to be established, it would mean omnipotence.

There was so clear an explanation — obvious, tangible — showing how it happens all the time — all the time, all the time, everywhere. And unless one experiences it, there's no way one can even understand the difference; all words are approximations. But just when it is true... (Mother smiles blissfully)... And then, one doesn't know if it lasted or if it doesn't last: all that has disappeared. And it doesn't abolish anything, that's the most wonderful part! Everything is there, nothing is abolished. It's only a phenomenon of consciousness. Because at such a time, everything that is becomes true, so... I mean it abolishes nothing of the Manifestation; you don't even feel that Falsehood is abolished: it doesn't exist, it isn't. Everything can remain exactly as it is; it becomes only a question of choice. Everything becomes a question of choice: you choose this way, choose that way.... And in a splendor of joy, of beauty, of harmony, a plenitude of luminous consciousness in which there is no darkness anymore: it no longer exists. And it truly is, so to say, the choice between life and death, consciousness and unconsciousness ("unconsciousness" isn't what we call unconsciousness, the unconsciousness of the stone, it's not that). One doesn't know what consciousness is until one has experienced "that."

If it could be translated into words, it would be so pretty (that's when I understand poets!). That ineffable Presence seems to be saying, "You see, I was always there, and you didn't know it." And it's lived at the very heart of the cells: "You see, you know that I was always there, but you didn't know it." And then... (Mother smiles on in a contemplation)... It's a tiny nothing — which changes everything.

That's how a dead man can come back to life. That's how: through that change.

The mind dramatizes, and that's why it cannot understand. Of course, it has been useful to refine Matter, to make it more supple, to prepare things — to make Life more supple and refine Matter. But it has a taste for drama, and that's why it doesn't understand. Violent emotions, complications are its game, its amusement. Probably because it needed them. But one must really leave that aside when the time comes, when one is ready for the experience.

(silence)

And immediately after that, the certitude — so peaceful — that everything was necessary — everything, but everything: from the most marvelous for the human consciousness to the most horrible, the most repulsive — everything was necessary. But strangely, all those things, all those experiences, all that life is what becomes unreal — unreal, worse than an act you put on for yourself: unreal. And it is in its unreality that it was necessary for the consciousness. All appreciations are purely human — purely human because they alter the measure, the proportion. Even physical suffering, material suffering, which is one of the things most difficult to feel as illusory: a lamentable act you put on for yourself, for the cells. And I am speaking from experience, with convincing examples. It's very interesting.