April 1966

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13. April 1966 – Mother’s healing right hand; Message

I would like that to be permanently established. When someone tells me, "I have a pain here," I pass my hand like that and it's over.

The hands feel, they feel it's possible. They are so conscious of the Vibration — they feel that anything is possible. The other day, E. fell down, I don't know how, and she injured her knee, she was covered with bruises and scratches. And she wore a dress that only reached down to here (!), so I saw. I said, "What happened?" She answered, "I fell down." Then this hand (Mother's right hand) quite spontaneously went and passed over her knee, like that, and I felt all the vibrations at my fingertips: it's like needles — needles of light — and it vibrates and vibrates and vibrates. So I put my hand like that, and suddenly she said, "Oh!..." She was flabbergasted: all the pain had gone.

But there were marks, bruises — they should go, but it takes time. On me the effect is almost immediate, especially the right hand.

But I would like it to have a sort of absoluteness. Because the decision to intervene isn't mental at all: suddenly the hand is simply compelled to do it, so it does it. Well, in that case, it should be absolute.... There is still the influence of the others' thought and all that, what a useless jumble!

"You feel lonely because you want to be loved. Learn the joy of loving without demand, just for the JOY OF LOVING — the most wonderful joy in the world — and you will never more feel lonely."

16. April 1966 – The rungs of Love

The last "rung" is the absolutely pure Thing. And the power... the creative and transforming power of that Vibration is unimaginable! While you are living it, nothing is impossible. It's unimaginable.

"At first one loves only when one is loved....

That's the usual state of human beings. Someone's vibration of love has to come to awaken love, otherwise they are inert.

"Next one loves spontaneously...

That's already a slightly more evolved humanity. One feels love all of a sudden; one meets someone or something — ah! — and it comes. Only...

"...but one wants to be loved in return.

One very much wants to be loved in return!

"Further on, one loves even if one is not loved...

Those are generally people who have reached a fairly advanced yogic state.

"...but one still wants one's love to be accepted.

Yes, that's an experience I personally had. There is a time when one is quite capable of loving without response, one is above the need to be loved, but one still has... not positively a need, but, at least, a wish that one's love may be felt and be effective.

Afterwards, it makes one smile.

"And finally one loves purely and simply without any other need or joy than that of loving."

That, to me, according to my personal experience, is really omnipotence.

It's a power than can achieve anything — anything at all. Nothing is impossible to it.

But I have also carefully observed that if "that" manifested indiscriminately, as it were, if it came as something that imposed itself in the earth atmosphere without control or discernment, it would be... All that denies that Power (denies it wittingly or unwittingly) would be as though annulled. So the outward, apparent consequences would be... too awesome. That's what Sri Aurobindo wrote; he said Knowledge must come first. Truth must reign before Love can manifest massively — a wholesale manifestation.

Now it's filtered, as it were. It is still filtered.

But the vibratory quality of "that" is truly something beyond all imagination. Diseases, difficulties... none of it has any reality.

The body constantly used to ask (not a sign or an assurance or a proof: it's all of that together), it used to ask for a sort of sensation (sensation, if it can be called that) that "it is the Lord that rules" (I am putting it in childlike words because they are the truest), that it is the Lord that rules. It asked for "that" all the time, the way a child could ask: "that" in all the innumerable nothings one does all the time, which are the very fabric of the body's existence. It became so intense.... Anything perceived as separate from "that" becomes inert: ashes. Inert without even the power of inertia: the inertia of dust. I mean that a rock has a power in its existence, a power of cohesion, of duration — it's not even that: it's dust. So then, there was constantly, constantly that prayer in the body. And that's what led me to the experience.

When "that" is there, everything seems to swell with a golden, luminous, radiating Power: it's so intense as to have volume!... If that isn't there, everything is dust.

So, naturally, there is constantly in all the cells the aspiration, the intense will for there to remain nothing but That.

And all that denies That or counters It, weakens It or dims It, becomes painful. Yes, painful — not painful with a moral or psychological or material suffering... it's a strange thing, it's not a physical pain: it's a pain which is more material than physical, it is... a sort of suffocation.

The body now really has an impression (it's an impression, not a knowledge — it's not a thought, not a knowledge: it's an impression, but a strong one) that this is what kills, this is what makes you die: this sort of refusal of the Vibration — not always even a willed refusal, because it's not even conscious the way will is (that happens, but then it means battle), but it's in Matter. One wonders if there isn't a residue — a residue of dust — that's incapable of any receptivity? I don't know.

I don't know.

But at any rate, there is a certain state, which seems to me to be the ordinary state human beings live in... it's suffocating.

24. April 1966 – Sri Aurobindo about the Supramental

"I have already spoken about the bad conditions of the world; the usual idea of the occultists about it is that the worse they are the more is probable the coming of an intervention or a new revelation from above. The ordinary mind cannot know — it has either to believe or disbelieve or wait and see.

"As to whether the Divine seriously means something to happen, I believe it is intended. I know with absolute certitude that the Supramental is a truth and its advent is in the very nature of things inevitable. The question is as to the when and the how. That also is decided and predestined from somewhere above; but it is here being fought out amid a rather grim clash of conflicting forces. For in the terrestrial world the predetermined result is hidden and what we see is a whirl of possibilities and forces attempting to achieve some thing with the destiny of it all concealed from human eyes. This is, however, certain that a number of souls have been sent to see that it shall be now. That is the situation. My faith and will are for the now. I am speaking of course on the level of the human intelligence — mystically-rationally, as one might put it. To say more would be going beyond that line. You don't want me to start prophesying, I suppose? As a rationalist, you can't."

Sri Aurobindo – December 28, 1934

27. April 1966 – Savitri B10C4: Debate of Love and Death

I wonder why I don't see clearer in what I do?

Because there are two ideas in conflict. That's why. So there is hesitation between the two standpoints.

Two standpoints: the need for renunciation and the futility of fleeing. Those are the two ideas that cause the hesitation. But in the chronological order of things, it should first be the need for renunciation, then the discovery of the futility of fleeing, and then instead of a fleeing, there should be a return, free, without attachment. A return to life without attachment.

(Then Mother reads two lines from "Savitri," the Debate of Love and Death.)

Ah, it's still this gentleman

I had this whole experience a few days ago. It was so amusing!

In vain his heart lifts up its yearning prayer,

Peopling with brilliant Gods the formless Void

(X.IV.644)

Why? Were you in the formless Void?

I saw that, it was so amusing! I saw it all. Oh, it was an extraordinary experience. All of a sudden I was outside and, I can't say "above" (but it was above), but outside the whole human creation, outside everything, everything man has created in all the worlds, even in the most ethereal worlds. And seen from there, it was... I saw that play of all the possible conceptions men have had of God and of the way to approach God (what they call "God"), and also of the invisible worlds and the gods, all that: one thing came upon another, one upon another, it all went by (as it's written in Savitri), one thing upon another went by (gesture as if on a screen), one upon another... with its artificiality, its inadequacy to express the Truth. And with such precision! A precision so accurate that you felt in anguish, because the impression was of being in a world of nothing but imagination, of imaginative creation, but in nothing real, there wasn't a feeling of... of touching the Thing. To such a point that it became... yes, a terrible anguish: "But then, what? What? What's truly TRUE and outside all that we can conceive?"

And it came. It was like this: (gesture of self-abandon) the total, complete self-annulment, annulment of that which can know, of that which tries to know — even "surrender" isn't an adequate word: a sort of annulment. And suddenly it ended with a slight movement as a child could have who doesn't know anything, doesn't try to know anything, doesn't understand anything, doesn't try to understand — but who abandons himself. A slight movement of such simplicity, such ingenuousness, such extraordinary sweetness (words can't express it): nothing, just this (gesture of self-abandon), and instantaneously, THE Certitude (not expressed, lived), the lived Certitude.

I wasn't able to keep it very long. But "it" is wonderful.

But the anguish had reached its peak: the sense of the futility of human efforts to understand — to embrace and understand — what isn't human, what's beyond. And I am talking about humanity in its supreme realizations, of course, when man feels himself to be a god.... That was still down below.

The experience lasted, oh, I don't know, perhaps a few minutes, but it was... something.

Only, with a certainty that as soon as you come back, as soon as you just try to speak one word (or even if you don't speak), as soon as you try to formulate in one way or another: finished.

Yet there OBSTINATELY remains a certitude that the creation is NOT a transitory way to recapture the true Consciousness: it's something that has its own reality and that will have its own existence IN THE TRUTH.

That's the next step.

That's why that realization [the Void] isn't the goal, that's exactly why. A conviction that it isn't the goal. It's an absolute necessity, but not the goal. The goal is something... the capacity to keep That here.

When will that come? I don't know.

But when it comes, everything will be changed.

Until then, let's prepare ourselves.

There is only one thing I have noted (that I am forced to note): there is a power of action on others which infinitely exceeds what it was before. Oh, it makes waves everywhere, everywhere, even in those people who were the most settled in their lives and basically fairly satisfied, as much as one can be — even those are touched.

30. April 1966 – Hitler’s disastrous influence; Savitri B10C4

They are two old ladies, of German origin, but Jewish. In Germany, they still aren't kind at all; Hitler's influence has been disastrous, the Jews are still treated with contempt — it's disgusting, utterly disgusting. So these ladies went to Israel. They are very generous. But some people still have prejudices, you know!

In France, with Pétain, there was that grotesque affair of the "yellow star"; I think it has also left a very bad imprint.

There are people to whom I wouldn't give these packets, because they'd immediately think it's very bad!

Men are still worse than children — worse. So small, so petty, with stupid biases.

Just this simple thing of being impartial, neutral and perfectly sincere, without bias towards experiences, towards life, towards things — just that they can't have! There is always a sort of petty bias, of preference in the background.

And all that is accumulated in the subconscient, and it comes back in the form of "dreams." And naturally (that's quite a common experience, which is known to all those who are even slightly familiar with the play of occult forces), when someone in your dream comes and gives you blows and attacks you, it's absolutely sure that you've had bad thoughts for him — bad thoughts or bad feelings. That's what comes back to you in that form. But they will say on the contrary: "See, I was right to have bad thoughts for him: he comes and attacks me"!

Just like children, completely ignorant.

Mother takes up "Savitri"

Then disappointed to the Void he turns

And in its happy nothingness asks release

(X.IV.644)

That's the Nihilists: Shankaracharya and so on, the worshipers of Nothingness.

Ultimately, this taste for Nothingness is the most harmonious way to put an end to the ego. It's the ego coming to an end. It's, yes, the most harmonious way, the higher way to put an end to the ego. It's the ego coming to an end.

It is tired of being. Instead of feeling killed and crushed (Mother makes a gesture of self-abandon), phew!... A "phew" of relief: "Enough, enough of this battle to exist." We could say: Falsehood, tired of being, gives up.

Instead of a disappearance through crushing and trampling (same gesture of self-abandon): cease to be.

It's the divine way to annul the ego.

The ego is no longer necessary, it has finished its job, the consciousness is ready; then... (same gesture) phew! "I am tired of being, I no longer want to be."