October 1965

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10. October 1965 – Old habits coming always back

Oh, there's a whole work going on at night. Oh!... The whole petty subconscious working of habits, with all the gradations of the importance it assumes in the general consciousness, and, very interestingly, according to the proportion of the importance, it gives the scale. There was the whole scale, from the little manias people have, which of course are very superficial and mere habits, to the known maniacs or half-mad — the whole scale, along with the whole working. And then, the perception that it's just a question of dosage: we all belong to the same substance! It was seen so concretely that it was quite interesting. And in conclusion, one saw how to put that under the direct Influence of the supreme Force and Consciousness so as to break the inescapable chain of habits. It was very interesting.

Those are all the things that are considered "unimportant," and it's all that, the whole mass of all that, which prevents the physical transformation.

And because they are very small things (that is, APPARENTLY very small things, without any importance from the viewpoint of thought, for instance, and considered negligible), they are the worst obstacles.

Naturally, if the consciousness is warped, it must first be set right, but I am talking about enlightened consciousnesses that live in the Truth, that have aspiration and that wonder why this intensity of aspiration produces such poor results — now I know. The poor result is because they don't attach enough importance to those very small things that belong to the subconscious mechanism and because of which in thought you are free, in sentiment you are free, even in impulse you are free, and physically you are a slave.

One must undo all that, undo it, undo it.

And when the cells are good-willed... By "good-willed," I mean that as soon as their attention is turned to the supreme Force (or supreme Presence or supreme Existence or supreme Reality — whatever, words are nothing but words), as soon as their attention is turned to That, a burst of joy: "That's it! That's it!" In the cells that are truly not only good-willed but thirsting for the Truth: a burst of joy. And then... the old habits start up again. And the cells say (it recurs periodically, that is, very often, thousands of times a day), "But we only have to will!" or "We only have to aspire" or "We only have to think of That" (it's not "think" as we understand it), "We only have to turn our attention" — "Oh, but it's true!" Like that. "Oh, such joy!" And then, brrf! all the old habits come back again. It's fantastic... fantastic.

The fear of the unknown is gone (doubt went away a very long time ago), the fear of the unknown, of the new, the unexpected, is gone; there only remains the mechanism of habit. But it holds on, it clings, oh!...

It will go.

And now and then (now and then: quite rarely), a spark, so to say, of the true Consciousness making an attempt, descending, but it still causes... (gesture of upheaval and turmoil). It isn't yet received and manifested in the supreme Peace, so it goes away.

If previously (before the work on the cells), if the body was able to remain calm when the Force descended, without being overwhelmed, it was because of the tremendous amount of tamas that was inside it! That's right l A tamas that didn't respond, so it was calm. But now, it responds.

And you realize that if all this Power, this tremendous Force manifested — the force that is conscious, which is there, conscious — if it manifested, oh, (Mother laughs) you feel as if everything were about to start dancing and jumping!

We must be patient, that's what I keep saying to myself a hundred and fifty, a thousand times a day: we must be patient.

13. Oct 1965 – Savitri B7C6: Annul thyself that only God may be!

But the Lord is smiling, so I don't think it's serious.

He is smiling.... He has taken the opportunity to make a practical and very effective demonstration: a demonstration of the same totality of vibrations (resulting in outer and inner circumstances) with and without the consciousness of His Presence — conscious of His Presence and oblivious of His Presence. And then, it's tremendous, incredible! Exactly the same thing — starting with thoughts, feelings, sensations, circumstances and the general state, the totality of vibrations — conscious of this Presence and oblivious of it; not that it is sent far away, nothing like that: simply forgotten (that's the usual state of the world, of course), forgotten. It's incredible, incredible!

It lasted long enough (gesture showing a very swift alternation from one state to the other: conscious of His Presence and oblivious of His Presence), like a demonstration. And with this Smile... You know, when I say, "The Lord is smiling," it means something; it's not that I see a face smiling, but it's a... a sunny vibration... You know, the sun is dull and drab and cold and almost black in comparison. And then with "that" gone... (same alternating gesture) with that here, with that gone. Which means that those who will come and manifest, who will exist when everything is changed, they will lack the sense of wonder at the opposition.

You know, you can only be filled with wonder! (How can I put it?...) A sort of laughter — of sunny laughter — which is full of an intensity of love and... Yes, this must be the Ananda, the true Ananda.

(Same alternating gesture) Like this, like that, like this, like that...

So I told you just now that "everything grates": that's the state the world is in WITHOUT the consciousness of this Presence. Even when people find that things are fine and they are happy, that anyway circumstances are supposedly favorable, and that everything is fine and they are in good health and, humanly, everything sorts itself out — it grates dreadfully in comparison with the other state.

Then you can only smile. Instead of being affected because this one is in a bad mood and that one got angry and things go wrong and people fight each other and the elements cause hurricanes, instead of being saddened, you can only smile. You can only smile, because everything, but everything is the same — the good and the bad, the luminous and the dark — everything is the same and everything grates in comparison with "that." And you see, the experience you have when you climb up there to find Him isn't the same thing, because you feel, "Yes, up there everything is like that, it's very fine," but when you come down here, it's horrible. But that's not what I am referring to: it's the experience RIGHT HERE — right here — in other words, what the world MUST be. What it must be, what obviously it will be... when men permit it.

They are very attached to their grating, very attached, they cling to it. They don't feel alive when it doesn't grate.

But they don't know.

Sometimes, in the individual or collective evolution, there are phases when you have emerged from the grating, that is to say, you no longer believe in it, no longer believe in the truth and importance, the reality of those things, but you don't have the other thing yet, so in between the two... it's austere, dull and cold. You no longer have the excitement of one thing, and not yet the joy of the other; you are in between the two and it's a little arid. But only a small, limited number of individuals have reached that stage. They are the people who say, "I don't want this world." And then they go away.

But as for the other thing...

One does realize that if the other thing were constant, established, oh!...

And it can be felt only when you are not turned in on yourself, that is, when you DON'T FEEL YOURSELF FEELING IT. And that is the great difficulty, because as soon as it comes, something wants to feel it, and then instantly you fall back into the grating. And it cannot be felt: if you feel yourself feeling it, it's already no longer the thing.

Oh, it's already spoilt.

(silence)

There is a line in Savitri which freely translated is:

Annule-toi pour que seul le Divin soit. ("Annul thyself that only God may be." VII.VI.538)

A very free translation, but the idea is there. And that's the state in which "that" can exist. And it is evident that the body doesn't dissolve (Mother touches her own body), it's here, isn't it? You can see it!

(silence)

And it is the only — the only — infallible way to establish harmony in the body [this Smile of the Presence]. All the rest, all the precautions, all the remedies, all that seems so futile, so futile... and so inadequate. The only way — for everything, everything.

I do not yet have proof of the reconstruction of something that had disappeared (that had been amputated or broken), I can't say, but logically it's the same thing.

We'll talk about it again when we have the proof.

16. October 1965 – The inner vibration of falsehood

I have just thrown a fit of indignation! Because almost without exception, all the people around me, who profess to want nothing but what I want, are apparently completely obedient, but their instinct is just the opposite. When I see someone, for instance, I see how he is, what he is capable of, etc., and when I see it's a man we can't count on, THEIR instinct is: "Oh, what a wonderful man!" And it's their INSTINCT, in other words, the spontaneous movement of their being is in constant contradiction with my knowledge.

So that means... I can't say it's hypocrisy, but it's a purely mental attitude that doesn't correspond to the consciousness of the being. Because for me there is a very sure indication: when I don't say anything to someone (that is, I don't use the intermediary of the mind) but see that his sensation, his feeling, his state of consciousness are in harmony with mine, I know it's going well. And when that person tells me, "Yes, I want what you want," it's true. But when it's simply a purely mental, superficial attitude and when because I say, "It's like that," outwardly they repeat, "It's like that," but inwardly everything seethes because they feel differently...

For instance, for precise problems, a decision to be made, the problem is put to me; I don't answer materially right away, I send the answer like this (gesture of inner communication), then I wait. Well, it has happened (rather rarely, but anyway it has happened) that the person wrote to me, "I have received the answer, it's this and that." Then I say, "That's good." But when I write words and because I write words, they say the same thing, it doesn't prove anything. It's an artificial obedience.

And I am not talking about those who immediately feel, "Oh, Mother is wrong," I am not even talking about those; I am talking about those who truly have goodwill, but who are up to here (gesture to the mouth), even up to here (gesture to the forehead) fully in Ignorance and Falsehood, and who cover that with the cloak of a knowledge they have learned but don't even feel....

How will the world change? It's not possible.

No, I am not speaking of the enormous mass of those who imagine I am wrong all the time, but still who say, "Oh, the poor old lady, we shouldn't cross her," I am not even speaking of those. I am speaking of those who mentally have goodwill — they have put on a mask of goodwill. But the inner vibrations still belong to the world of Falsehood.

16. October 1965 – Pictures of Sri Aurobindo

If he was brought up in a Christian way, it's the photo where he is young which is good, they instantly see in it the face of Christ I... All of them.... The day before yesterday again, an American painter, who is here and has read Sri Aurobindo's books, wanted to do a portrait of Sri Aurobindo (he never saw him) from photos — it's just as it was with the bust in Sri Aurobindo's room! They all make a mystic Sri Aurobindo with narrow temples, like that (gesture tapering upward), a long mystic face, because they can't get out of their Christianity! For them, of course, the Power, anything that expresses the Power, oh!... (gesture of repulsion)

I wanted to say that to this American.... For them, spiritual life is sacrifice, it's the God who sacrifices himself: he renounces the joys of the earth and sacrifices his existence to save mankind. And they can't get out of it!

So to those, it's the photo of the young Sri Aurobindo that should be sent, like the one in the reception room. Because he had just come out of his ascetic period here, and he still had a long face.

The photo in the armchair... it's a bit too late; he was already beginning to feel that... the world wasn't ready to go to the end. There is already the expression of suffering on his face.

But the other photo is good. That's how I knew Sri Aurobindo: he had just come out of the photo in profile, in which he is very thin. As for Cartier-Bresson's photos, they were taken in 1950.

But when I saw the photo [of Cartier-Bresson, taken in 1950], when I saw he had that expression... Because, with me, he never had it; he never showed it. But I wasn't in the room when the photo was taken, and suddenly he... (he was sitting there, of course), he slackened. When I saw the photo (because they came long after, we had to write and ask them to send them), I was dumbfounded.... He had that expression.

I always saw him with a perfectly peaceful and smiling face, and above all, the dominant expression was compassion. That was what predominated in his appearance. An expression of compassion so... so peaceful, so tranquil, oh, magnificent.

27. October 1965 – Sri Aurobindo is playing

I arrived where I always go to find him, in the subtle physical, last night around 2:30, and what a crowd there was! Thousands of people. When I arrived there, before going in I met someone, who must have been one of the former politicians, from the time of the revolution, when Sri Aurobindo was involved in politics; he is dead, naturally, but he was there and he told me (he was quite jubilant), he told me (in English), "Sri Aurobindo has come out of meditation, he has started playing!" And there was indeed a feeling that everyone was playing, playing.... I crossed the courtyard (I even crossed a room where some people were still in meditation, and they looked surprised to see me come in like that, I told them, "Don't worry, I don't want to disturb you!"), then I found Sri Aurobindo, who was playing — very young and strong and amused and joyful, and he was playing. He was playing with something that cannot be described, and he was playing and playing.... And then, the same gentleman whom I had seen at the entrance came and told me in my ear, "He has played with that a lot... it is worn-out," it's a bit damaged, a bit worn-out. So I drew near, and Sri Aurobindo, who had heard, told me, "Yes, it is worn-out, take it and bring me another." And he handed it to me — I can't describe it, it didn't look like anything, it was... "something" — there was something black moving inside something — and it did look a little broken down. So I left, I went back downstairs; and the symbol of the physical body was a pair of shoes — I put my shoes on again and left.

There were lots of details; it began after two-thirty, and it lasted till about four-thirty.

And then, later in the morning, I was completely in the atmosphere and I understood that it was the form of the government — it was... (laughing) the old democracy which has become useless.

30. October 1965 – The comet

Something amusing has happened. You know that there is a new comet?...(The comet "Ikeda-Seki.") This morning around four, I saw the comet, and suddenly I found myself in a state above the earth, and I saw a being who seemed to be associated with this comet. He had red hair (but not an aggressive red), a white body, but not pure white: a golden white, as if he were naked, but he didn't give an impression of being naked, or of wearing any clothes either (I have noticed this several times already), sexless — neither man nor woman. And it was a young being, charming, full of a sort of joy, like the joy that came a little in the music just now, and he was spreading in the earth atmosphere a sort of substance that was heavier than Matter — not heavier, but denser — and jelly-like. It was as though he had taken advantage of the comet passing near the earth to spread that substance. And at the same time, I was told it was "to help for the transformation of the earth." And he showed me how to make that substance circulate in the atmosphere.

It was charming: a young being, full of joy, as if dancing, and spreading that substance everywhere.

It lasted a long time. For several hours I remained in it.