October 1964

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07. Oct 1964 – Five luminous cigars; Have a wrestler's relationship!

Things (not from the ordinary point of view, but from the higher point of view) have clearly taken a turn for the better. But the material consequences are still there: all the difficulties seem to have worsened. Only, the power of the consciousness is greater — clearer, more precise. Also the action on those who have good-will: they are making rather considerable progress. But the material difficulties seem to have worsened, which means... it's to see whether we bear up!

From the standpoint of money, it's serious, the situation is serious. From the standpoint of health, everybody is sick. And from the standpoint of quarrels (!), the quarrels are more bitter, but they are "indicative," in the sense that those who quarrel realize that they have made a blunder, that it's something serious.

Recently (it began yesterday), something has cleared in the atmosphere. But there is still a long way to go — a long, long way. I certainly feel it very long, we must endure. Endure and endure. That's the main impression: we must endure. And have endurance. The two absolutely indispensable things: keep a faith that nothing can shake, not even an apparently complete negation, even if you are suffering, even if you are miserable (the body, that is), even if you are tired — endure. Hold on tight and endure — have endurance. There. With that, it's all right.

Some letters describing very interesting experiences... People who had been deliberately refusing to understand — they have yielded. Things of that sort. Things that weren't moving, that were stubbornly stuck, you felt as if they would never move — all of a sudden, pop! gone. Only... what spoils everything is the sort of haste people have to get a visible result. That spoils everything. One shouldn't think about results.

(silence)

But according to what people tell me who listen to the radio or read the newspapers (none of which I do), the whole world is undergoing an action... which for the moment is unsettling. It seems that the number of apparently "mad" people is increasing considerably. In America, for instance, all the youth seem to be seized with a kind of curious giddiness, which for reasonable people would be disquieting, but which is a sure indication that an uncommon Force is at work. It is the disruption of all habits and all rules — it's good. For the moment, it's a bit "strange" (!), but it's necessary.

The action isn't limited. That is, it's probably limited to the earth... although manifestations from other planets or other worlds seem to be multiplying, too. And there have been experiences lately, rather curious ones.

Other physical planets?

Physical. Yes, physical.

I don't know if you've heard this, it's something P. told me. She was still in Switzerland, and shortly before she came back here, she had a vision (she was in her home, simply meditating, and she had a vision), and in her vision she saw five big "luminous cigars" going past like this, slowly, one behind the other, in single file. When she woke up, she wondered what it was.... And a few days later (maybe the next day or the day after, I don't know), she read in a newspaper the account of people in southern France (I don't remember in which part) who saw above the sea five "luminous cigars" go by, in single file, exactly the same color as those she had seen. But in their case, they saw it with their physical eyes. So that seems interesting.

It was clearly a phenomenon of a subtle physical order (in its origin) or material vital (in its origin), but which manifested physically, and which may very well have come from other planets that are a little more subtle than the earth.

There are many other experiences; this one I remember clearly.

The Action is widespread.

The big difficulty, in Matter, is that the material consciousness, that is to say, the mind in Matter, was formed under the pressure of difficulties — difficulties, obstacles, suffering, struggle. It was, so to speak, "worked out" by those things, and that gave it an imprint almost of pessimism and defeatism, which is certainly the greatest obstacle.

This is the thing I am conscious of in my own work.

The most material consciousness, the most material mind, is in the habit of having to be whipped into acting, into making effort and moving forward, otherwise it's tames. So then, if it imagines, it always imagines the difficulty — always the obstacle, always the opposition, always the difficulty... and that slows down the movement terribly. So it needs very concrete, very tangible and VERY REPEATED experiences to be convinced that behind all its difficulties, there is a Grace; behind all its failures, there is the Victory; behind all its pain and suffering and contradictions, there is Ananda. Of all the efforts, this is the one that has to be repeated most often: you are constantly forced to stop, put an end to, drive away, convert a pessimism, a doubt or a totally defeatist imagination.

I am speaking exclusively of the material consciousness.

Naturally, when something comes from above, it goes vrrm! like that, so everything falls silent and waits and stops. But... I well understand why the Truth, the Truth-Consciousness, doesn't express itself more constantly: it's because the difference between its Power and the power of Matter is so great that the power of Matter is as if canceled — but then, that doesn't mean Transformation: it means a crushing. It doesn't mean a transformation. That's what used to be done in the past: they would crush the entire material consciousness under the weight of a Power that nothing can fight, nothing can oppose; and then they would feel, "Here we are! It's happened!" It hadn't happened at all! Because the rest down below remained as it was, unchanged.

Now, there is a will to give it the full possibility of changing; well, for that, it has to be given free play, without bringing in a crushing Power — this I understand very well. But it has the obstinacy of stupidity. How many times at the moment of a suffering, for instance, when a suffering is there, acute, and you feel it's going to become intolerable, there is in the cells a little inner movement of Call: the cells send out their S.O.S. Everything stops, the suffering disappears. And often (now it's becoming more and more like that), the suffering is replaced by a feeling of blissful well-being. But the first reaction of that stupid material consciousness, its first reaction: "Ha! Let's see how long it's going to last." So, naturally, with that movement, it demolishes everything. Everything has to be started again.

I think that for the effect to be lasting (not to be, as I said, a miraculous effect that comes, dazzles, and goes away), for it to be truly the effect of a TRANSFORMATION, one has to be very, very, VERY patient. We are dealing with a very slow, very heavy, very obstinate consciousness, which cannot move on rapidly, which holds on tight to what it has, to what has seemed to it to be a "truth": even if it is a very small truth, that consciousness holds on tight to it and doesn't want to budge anymore. So to cure that takes a great deal of patience — a great, great deal of patience.

The whole thing is to endure — endure and endure.

Sri Aurobindo said it several times, in various forms: Endure and you will conquer.... Bear — bear and you will vanquish.

The triumph belongs to the most enduring.

And then (Mother points to her own body), this seems to be the lesson for these aggregates (bodies, you know, seem to me to be simply aggregates). And as long as there is, behind, a will to keep this together for some reason or other, it stays together, but... These last few days (yesterday or the day before), there was this: a sort of completely decentralized consciousness (I am always referring to the physical consciousness, of course, not at all to the higher consciousness), a decentralized consciousness that happened to be here, there, there, in this body, that body (in what people call "this person" and "that person," but that notion doesn't quite exist anymore), and then there was a kind of intervention of a universal consciousness in the cells, as though it were asking these cells what their reason was for wanting to retain this combination (if we may say so) or this aggregate... while in fact making them understand or feel the difficulties that come, for example, from the number of years, wear and tear, external difficulties — from all the deterioration caused by friction, wear and tear. But they seemed to be perfectly indifferent to that!... The response of the cells was interesting enough, in the sense that they seemed to attach importance ONLY TO THE CAPACITY TO REMAIN IN CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH THE HIGHER FORCE. It was like an aspiration (not formulated in words, naturally), and like a... what in English they call yearning, a longing for that Contact with the divine Force, the Force of Harmony, the Force of Truth and... the Force of Love, and [the cells' response was] that because of that, they valued the present combination.

It was an altogether different point of view.

I am expressing it with the mind's words because there's no other way, but it was in the field of sensation rather than anything else. And it was very clear — very clear and very continuous, without fluctuations. And then, at that moment, the universal Consciousness intervened, saying, "But here are the obstacles...." And those obstacles were clearly seen: that kind of pessimism of the mind (a formless mind that's beginning to be born and organized in these cells). But the cells themselves didn't care a whit! To them it was like a disease, they said, "Oh, that..." (the word distorts, but it was felt as a sort of "accident" or an "inescapable disease" or something that DID NOT FORM A NORMAL PART of their development and had been forced on them), "Oh, that, we don't care about it!" And then, at that moment, a sort of LOWER power to act on that mind was born; it gave the cells a MATERIAL power to separate themselves from that and reject it.

From that point of view, it was interesting. And it was after that that there was the turning point I told you about: a turning point in things as a whole, as if something truly decisive had taken place. There was a sort of trusting joy: "Ah! We're free from that nightmare."

Usually, I don't say anything until it's firmly established, because... But anyway, that's how it was.

And at the same time, a relief — a physical relief — as if the air were easier to breathe.... Yes, it was a bit like being shut inside a shell — a suffocating shell — and... at any rate, an opening has been made in it. You can breathe. I don't know if it's more than that, but at any rate, something has been as if torn open, and you can breathe.

It was a totally, totally material and cellular action.

But as soon as you descend into that realm, the realm of the cells and even of the cells' constitution, how much less heavy it seems! That sort of heaviness of Matter disappears: it becomes fluid and vibrant again. Which would tend to show that the heaviness, the thickness, the inertia, the immobility, is something that has been ADDED ON, it's not an essential quality of Matter — it's false Matter, Matter as we think or feel it, but not Matter itself as it is.

That was very perceptible.

(silence)

The best one can do is not to have any prejudices or preconceived ideas or principles — oh, moral principles, fixed codes of conduct, "what must be done" and "what must not be done," and preconceived ideas with regard to morals, with regard to progress, and then all the social and mental conventions — there's no obstacle worse than that. I know people who wasted dozens of years trying to overcome one of those mental constructions!

If one can be like this, open — truly open in a simplicity... you know, the simplicity of ignorance that knows it's ignorant... like this (gesture, hands open), ready to receive all that comes... then, perhaps, something will happen.

Naturally, the thirst for progress, the thirst to know, the thirst to transform yourself, and above all the thirst for Love and Truth — if you can keep that, then you go faster. Really a thirst, a need, you know, a need.... All the rest doesn't matter, what you need is THAT.

(silence)

To cling to what you think you know, to cling to what you feel, to cling to what you like, to cling to your habits, to cling to your so-called needs, to cling to the world as it is, that's what binds you hand and foot. You must undo all that, one thing after the other. Undo all the bonds.

This has been said thousands of times, but people go on doing the same thing.... Even those who are, you know, very eloquent, who preach this to others, they CLING — they cling to their own way of seeing, their own way of feeling, their own habit of progress, which to them is the only possible one.

No more bonds — free, free, free, free! Always ready to change everything, except ONE thing: to aspire. That thirst.

I quite understand: some people don't like the idea of a "Divine" because it immediately gets mixed up with all the European or Western conceptions (which are dreadful), and so it makes their lives a little bit more complicated — but we don't need that! The "something" we need, the Perfection we need, the Light we need, the Love we need, the Truth we need, the supreme Perfection we need — and that's all. The formulas... the fewer the formulas, the better. A need, a need, a need... that THE Thing alone can satisfy, nothing else, no half measure. That alone. And then, move on! Move on! Your path will be your path, it doesn't matter; any path, any path whatever, even the follies of today's American youth can be a path, it doesn't matter.

As Sri Aurobindo said, if you can't have God's love (I am translating), well then, find a way to fight with God and have a wrestler's relationship with Him (Aphorism 418).

10. October 1964 – Like the chick popping out of the egg

That's another odd thing. All of a sudden, for no apparent external reason, even for no apparent psychological reason, I'll see clearly, precisely — it lasts a few seconds, and then... it's over. And it happens to me in entirely different circumstances. For instance, I'll pick up a piece of paper: I'll see as clearly as I did before; I'll notice that I am seeing clearly — and it's finished!

It has happened a little more often lately.

At times, on the contrary, I try; for instance, nobody is here to read me a paper, and I would like to read it — impossible; and the more I try, the more it fades into the mist. At other times, I WANT to see something (with a certain will), and I see it very clearly. It's an apparent incoherence.... It must depend on another law, which for the moment I don't know, and which rules the Physical. But for example, for some time now (a rather long time), at night I have been reading in my "sleep," and I see very clearly: when I wake up, I am reading something that I am holding in my hand and I see very clearly. Therefore, it's not the physical state that influences the night's condition, it's something else.

For a very long time, I used to see — see images, scenes and so on — I used to see, but I didn't hear. Then, all of a sudden, I began to hear; and I would hear the slightest noise, I would hear in a perfectly coherent and natural way. It was as though the sense had suddenly developed. Well, there is a certain state of vision as a result of which I read — I read written things; now that I no longer read physically, I read at night. Which means that all this inner development of the physical and subtle physical is still a whole unknown world to be learned.

I don't know its laws, I am only a spectator. And it obeys a will of an absolutely different order from the will at work in the physical world.

(silence)

But you understand, if you walk a path like this one, it may last a hundred years! And more.

There you have to learn everything, you know nothing.

How many times, you know, it comes, it swells up like a tide, like a rising wave, that aspiration of all, all the material being, of all the cells, towards the Supreme: "All depends on You — all depends on You." A sense of total helplessness and total incapacity, which in a second can be transformed through an Intervention into a total Wisdom.

And it's the cells that feel this — the thought has said... it says all sorts of things, the earth is full of (when you see it in its totality, it's really interesting!), the earth is full of all the human imaginings (which have been turned into "statements of facts"), even the most fantastic, the most contradictory, the most unexpected — it's full of all that, it lives on that, it swarms with that — and the result is that the material world is convinced that all by itself, it can do nothing! Nothing. Nothing, nothing but that: that inextricable and apparently senseless jumble, which is nothing, which is an unbridled imagination in comparison with what can be.

And then, this faith (it's a faith in Matter) that in a flash (a "flash"... we don't know, of course, it isn't a question of "time" as we understand it materially), a trigger — and everything can be changed. Changed into the harmonious Rhythm of a Will expressing itself; and a Will which is a Vision: a Vision expressing itself, that's really it; the harmonious Rhythm of a Vision expressing itself.

And all that we can think about it, imagine about it, deduce from it, all of that is nothing, nothing — it's nothing, it doesn't lead you THERE. What leads you THERE is the certitude, the inner faith that when the supreme... (supreme what? We can say Truth, Love, Wisdom, Knowledge, all of that is nothing, it's words — the "Something"), when That expresses itself, all will be well.

And all that incoherence — false incoherence — will disappear.

(silence)

What's odd, too, is that this conviction, this certitude is necessarily expressed in altogether different actions according to the person: it's the SAME THING taking on different colorations in the aspiration of different consciousnesses.

For instance, I saw recently a sort of exhibition or procession of all the possible theories of humanity explaining the creation (the world, life, existence). All those conceptions came before me one after another, from the seemingly most primitive and most ignorant to the most scientific — and they were all (smiling) on the same plane of incomprehension... but ALL had the same RIGHT to express the true aspiration that was behind. And it was miraculous! Even the faith of the savage, even the most primitive religions and most ignorant convictions had behind them the same right to express that aspiration. It was wonderful. And then the sense of the "superiority of intelligence" fell away completely, instantly.

It is the same thing for those oppositions, those contradictions that are called "violent and vulgar" between the intellectual (and especially scientific) progress of the human species and, by contrast, the apparently foolish stupidity of those who react against conventions; well, that feeling of inferiority or superiority that you find among so-called reasonable beings, all of that disappeared instantly in a perception of THE WHOLE, in which EVERYTHING — everything — was the result of the same Pressure (downward gesture) towards progress. It's like a pressure exerted on Matter (same gesture) to draw the response out of it. And whatever form that response may take, it's part of the general Action.

I told you last time what had happened: that sense of liberation; yes, a liberation from suffocation, and a kind of opening and well-being — that has become established. And the understanding (like the understanding of a detached witness) that everything, all those difficulties that come and pile up are absolutely indispensable so that nothing is forgotten in the march forward — so that EVERYTHING goes together; and that it's only the vision of the details that blots out the vision of the whole.

It will be like the chick popping out of the egg all at once: as long as it's inside, to the superficial vision there's no chick; and all at once, pop! out it comes.

Let's hope so!

I saw it in my own case. It was interesting enough, because from my earliest childhood, I was in contact with the higher consciousness (gesture above the head) and in a real stupefaction at the state of the earth and people — when I was very little. I was in a stunned amazement all the time. And the blows I received!... Constantly. Each thing came to me as a stab or a punch or a hammer blow, and I would say to myself, "What? How is this possible?" You know, all the baseness, all the lies, all the hypocrisy, all that is crooked, all that distorts and undoes the flow of the Force. And I would see it in my parents, in circumstances, in friends, in everything — a stupefaction. It wasn't translated intellectually: it was translated by that stupefaction. And when I was very little, the Force was already there (gesture above the head); I have a clear memory from the age of five: I only had to sit down for a moment to feel it, that Force which would come. And I went through the whole of life, up to the age of twenty or twenty-one (when I began to encounter Knowledge and someone who explained to me what it all was) like that, in that stupefaction: "What — is this life? What — is this what people are? What...?" And I was as though beaten black and blue, mon petit!

Then, from the age of twenty or twenty-five, that habit of pessimism began. It took all that time, all those blows, for it to come.

But with regard to health, whenever I had an illness (for me it was never an "illness," it was still part of the blows), I had a trust, a complete assurance that it had no reality. And very young (very young, maybe around the age of thirteen or fourteen), every time a blow came, I would tell my body, "But what's the use of being ill since you'll just have to get well!" And that stayed until I was over thirty: what's the use of being ill since you have to get well? And it faded away only little by little, with that growing pessimism.

Now I have to undo all that work.

You understand, it was IMPOSSIBLE, impossible for me to believe in ("believe" — even understand) all those movements of betrayal, of jealousy, all the movements of negation of the Divine in human beings and things — it was impossible, I didn't understand! But it came from every side, striking and striking and striking.... So all that had to be undone.

And with you, it was the same thing — I know it very well. I know it very well. And for you it took brutal forms.

But we only have to hold out, that's all.

We must erase the imprint little by little. And in fact, the only way to erase the imprint is to make contact with the Truth. There is no other way — all reasoning, all intelligence, all understanding, all that is totally useless with this physical mind. The only thing is to make contact. That's just what the cells value: the possibility of making contact.

Making contact.

On the material level, japa is very good for that. When your head is tired and you are a little weary of forever contradicting that pessimism, you just have to repeat your japa, and automatically you make contact. To make contact. That's something the cells value a lot. A lot. It's a very good way, because it's a way that isn't mental, it's a mechanical way, it's a question of vibration.

14. October 1964 – Wrong laws and quotations

Yes, laws, laws, laws. They haven't understood yet.

I would have nothing to say against that poster if there had been several quotations, with mine among the others; but what I rose up against is that they used it as a circular which they sent to all the Departments! And it was a private letter.

If at least this quotation had been among several others... but one should ALWAYS put in the complementary quotations — and they never do.

I remember, once, they held an exhibition on Germany at the Library. They put up a long quotation from Sri Aurobindo in which he said, Here is what the Germans THINK OF THEMSELVES... and there followed a whole quotation — oh, what a quotation! Anyway, they are the race of the future, of geniuses, they will save the world and so on. But they put up the whole thing... without the first sentence! So I arrive there (at the time, I could see clearly), and what do I see! I remembered what Sri Aurobindo had written, Here is what the Germans THINK OF THEMSELVES, SO I told them, "But you forgot the most important thing, you must add this." You should have seen their faces...

It's this dishonesty that's frightening — they cut out and remove all that bothers them and leave only what suits them.

I've said it many a time: when you put in a quotation from Sri Aurobindo, you should always put in the opposite quotation to show that he said everything and foresaw everything, and that he puts everything in its proper place.

But they don't like it!

There's also the story of that poor T. He gathered up from Sri Aurobindo's books all the passages in which he says that mind is indispensable to man (Mother laughs), that mind is the means of progress, that without mind life would be incomplete, etc. — there are many such passages, of course!... And he forgot all the others. So as I am full of mischief, I gathered up (laughing) all the other passages and bombarded him with them!

He took it as a personal offense!

And all those who come and tell me, "But you said this two years ago, and that three years ago, and this..." I tell them, "Yes, and now I am saying the opposite!... And I may very well say the same thing again in a few years!"

They had a meeting with people from England or Europe, in which they said, "Oh, the world needs a new religion, now is the time to give it a new religion...." And they wanted to take Sri Aurobindo's name and make a new religion out of it! So I answered them, "The time of religions is over." They didn't understand, mon petit, they were appalled! I wrote it to them without explanation, the way you fling something to shake things up: "The time of religions is over, this is the age of universal spirituality" ("universal" in the sense of containing EVERYTHING and adapting to everything). So they answered me, "We don't understand, but anyway... (laughing) since you tell us, we accept it." So I added an explanation in the Bulletin (the explanation isn't as strong, but I had to try and make myself understood), I said that religions are based on spiritual experiences brought down to a level where mankind can grasp them, and that the new phase must be that of spiritual experience in its purity, not brought down to a lower level.

But this too is hard to understand.

Anyway... it gives me colds!

Yes, that's true, that's what gives colds, it's dogmatism, which rigidifies, hardens, takes away life.

They are convinced that they are right and I am wrong, and it's out of a sort of "benevolent respect" for me (Mother laughs) and of politeness that they don't tell me, "Really, you're exaggerating, we were right."

14. October 1964 – The feeling of a living death

...These last few nights, an experience has been developing. There is a sort of objectification, like scenes unfolding in which I am one of the characters; but it isn't "me," it is some character or other that I play in order to have the double consciousness, the ordinary consciousness and the true consciousness at the same time. There was a whole series of experiences to show simultaneously the True Thing and the sort of half-death (it's his word that makes me think of this — "I am too dead..."), the half-death of the mind. In those experiences, the state of ordinary mentality is something dry (not exactly hard because it's crumbly), lifeless, without vibration — dry, cold; and as a color, it's always grayish. And then, there is a maximum tension, an effort to understand and remember and know — know what you should do; when you go somewhere, know how you should go there; know what people are going to do, know... Everything, you see, is a perpetual question of the mind (it's subconscious in the mind — some are conscious of it, but even in those who are apparently quiet, it's there constantly — that tension to know). And it's a sort of superficial thing, shallow, cold and dry, WITHOUT VIBRATION. At the same time, as if in gusts, the true consciousness comes, as a contrast. And it happens in almost cinematographic circumstances (there is always a story, to make it more living). For instance, last night (it's one story among many, many others), the "I" that was conscious then (which isn't me, you understand), the "I" that was playing had to go somewhere: it was with other people in a certain place and had to go through the town to another place. And she knew nothing, neither the way nor the name of the place she was going to, nor the person she had to see — she knew nothing. She knew nothing, but she knew she had to go. So then, that tension: how, how can you know? How can you know? And questioning people, asking questions, trying to explain, "You know, it's like this and like that...," innumerable details (it lasts for hours). And now and then, a flood of light — a warm, golden, living, comfortable light — and the feeling that everything is prearranged, that all that will have to be known will be known, that the way has been prepared beforehand — that all you have to do is let yourself live! It comes like that, in gusts. But then, there is an intensity of contrast between that constant effort of the mind, which is an enormous effort of tension and concentrated will, and then... and then that glory. That comfortable glory, you know, in which you let yourself go in trusting happiness: "But everything is ready, everything is luminous, everything is known!... All you have to do is let yourself live." All you have to do is let yourself live.

It's as if a play were performed to make it more living, more real — one subject, another subject, this, that.... If you enter a certain state, then another time enter the other state, you can remember the difference and it's useful, but in this form of a play, with the double consciousness, the opposition becomes so real, so concrete that... you come out of it wondering, "How can you go on living in this aberration when you have once TOUCHED — touched, experienced the True Thing?"

It's as if the body were being dealt with like a child who has to be educated. Because that mind I am talking about is the physical mind, the material mind (not the speculative mind: the vibration isn't the same at all), it's the mind OF THE EARTH, the mind of everyday life, the mind you carry along in your every movement and which tires the body so much!... Such a tension, an anguish — living is an anguish. Yes, the feeling of a living death.

This morning, when I came out of it, I said to myself, "That's odd...." But the body is learning its lesson; that way, it's learning its lesson. And yet it goes on with that nasty habit of wanting rules, of wanting to know in advance what it should do, of wanting to know in advance how it should do it, of organizing its life within a straitjacket, instead of letting itself live.

Exactly the same story with the School.

It is building an iron cage for yourself and getting into it.

It was exactly that.

Trying to explain to someone, "You know, it's a place like this or like that, and the person there is like this — you know, that person who did such and such a thing...."

You try out a number of landmarks... in order to build yourself a cage. And then, suddenly, a breath — a luminous, golden, warm, relaxed, comfortable breath: "Oh, but it's obvious, that's how it is! But I will be CARRIED quite naturally to the place — what's all this complication!?"

It is the body learning its lesson. It's learning its lesson.

It's also learning the lesson of "illness" — of the illusion of illness Oh, that's very, very amusing. Very amusing. The difference between the thing itself, as it is, the particular kind of disorder, whatever it is, and the old habit of feeling and receiving the thing, the ordinary habit, what people call an illness: "I am ill." That's very amusing. And ALWAYS, if you stay truly still (it's difficult to be really and truly still — in the vital and mind, it's very easy, but in the body's cells, to be perfectly still WITHOUT BEING TAMASIC is a little difficult, it has to be learned), but when you are able to be truly still, there is ALWAYS a little light — a warm little light, very bright and wonderfully still, behind; as if it were saying, "You only have to will." Then the body's cells panic: "Will, how? How can I? The illness is on me, I am overcome. How can I will? It's AN ILLNESS" — the whole drama (and that wasn't in sleep: I was completely awake, it was this morning), it's "an illness." Then something with a general wisdom says, "Calm down, calm down, (laughing) don't remain attached to your illness! Calm down. As if you wished to be ill! Calm down." So they consent — "consent," you know, like a child who has been scolded, "All right, very well, I'll try." They try — immediately, that light comes again: "You only have to will." And once or twice, for one thing or another (because the Disorder is something general: you may suffer at any spot, have a disorder at any spot if you accept a certain vibration), on THIS POINT, you consent — the next minute, it's over. Not the next minute: a few seconds and it's over. Then the cells remember: "But how come? I had a pain here…" — pop! It all comes back. And the whole drama unfolds like that, constantly.

So if they really learned the lesson...

Things come from outside, you can't always stop them from coming; it's like what I told you, those little black darts (you don't keep guard, you don't spend all your time protecting yourself!). But if, at that moment, you had the true attitude... It was curious enough, because it came to the throat, and it rather bothered me, I don't like it when it comes there; so I concentrated so it wouldn't be there, and it didn't come there... (laughing) it turned into a cold!

Oh, they are learning their lesson all the time, all the time. Everything, all that happens is ALWAYS a lesson — always. Always, always: all the quarrels, all the difficulties, all the troubles, all the so-called illnesses, everything, all the disorders are to make you learn a lesson — as soon as you've learned the lesson, it's over! But then, you are so slow and heavy, you take so much time to realize that it's a lesson that it drags on and on and on.

And for everything, like that question of money this morning, it was a lesson to be learned. But it isn't an individual lesson, you understand; the trouble is that it doesn't depend on one individual: it depends on groups, or on a certain type of individual, or on a way of being of human life, or... It's the WHOLE that has to learn the lesson.

Maybe... maybe if there is a symbolic being (it's what I am beginning to ask myself), if there is a symbolic being who has the power (it takes a great deal of endurance!), the power to CONTAIN the representation of all those disorders and to work on that symbolic representation, it must help the whole. Because if an entire human way of being has to change for the Victory to be won, it's going to take millions of years! That may be why there are symbolic beings.

That's what I am now asking myself.

In the realm of ideas, there aren't any problems, everything was resolved long ago — the problem is in the fact, in the material fact of the body.... It is beginning to learn its lesson. It's beginning to learn. And then, instead of the selfish answer that consists in saying, "Ah, no! I don't want that, I don't want any of it! (Laughing) I am above that weakness and disorder," let it come, accept it and see what the solution is. In other words, instead of the old problem — rejection of life, rejection of the difficulty, rejection of the disorder and the flight into Nirvana — it's the acceptance of everything — and Victory.

This is really (as far as I know) the new thing Sri Aurobindo has brought. Not only the idea that it's possible, but that it's the true solution, and the idea that we can start now. I am not saying we'll reach the end now, I don't know, but the idea is that we can begin right now, the time has come when we can begin, and it's the only true solution, the other solution is no solution — well, it was a necessary experiment in the universal march, but flight is no solution: the solution is Victory. And the time has come when we can try.

All ordinary common sense (which is still triumphant in this world) tells me, "What illusions you nurse, my child! You arrange things to your satisfaction, you're sugarcoating the pill for yourself," and so on, it comes like that, regularly, in waves. Well... it's also part of the problem. But a time will come when certain truths will be acknowledged as true and no longer disputed; then the Work will be easier. But in order to get there, there has to be at least a beginning of experience, a beginning of realization that enables you to say, "But here is the proof."

This seems to me to be the process under way.

It is a rather obscure labor that's going on at the moment.... I remember the day when Sri Aurobindo told me (we were still in the other house), he told me, "Yes, you are doing an overmental work, a creation of the Overmind, you will work heaps of miracles and the whole world will admire you!... But that is not the Truth we want." I told you the story. Well, this memory very often comes to my aid. I said, "That's right, we don't care for the fanfare of popular victory!"

It's without glory. But it doesn't need any glory at all! I said to him, "I don't need glory and I don't care a whit for public admiration! (Laughing) That has no place in my consciousness."

But I understand.... Oh, how there are deeper ways to understand things!

The body is learning its lesson.

17. October 1964 – We know nothing!

The nights are becoming more and more incredible.

Every night, I meet scores of people whom physically I don't know at all, but with whom I have a relationship of... a sort of intimacy of work, as with someone you meet daily. And it goes on, and every night it's different people. So it makes hundreds and hundreds of people with whom I work.

It's very concrete: concrete like physical life (it's in the subtle physical). Concrete in the sense that when you eat, you have the taste of it; when you touch, you have the feel of it; you have the smell. And what stories! Stories... fantastic inventions! I don't note all that down because it would take hours and anyway I don't find it worthwhile, but what stories it would make!

Fantastic.

Last night... I don't remember at all now, only the impression; and the impression is so strong that after getting up it takes me at least half an hour to emerge from the atmosphere I was in!

All sorts of people. I don't know their names, I don't know their countries, I don't know their languages, yet we communicate very well.

And in the world, things are chaotic, it seems.

You get an impression (it's precisely the impression I bring back from those activities of the night), the impression of a building cracking — all over. Exactly like just before the collapse: it cracks all over.

Besides, if you are completely outside your usual consciousness, your usual reactions, your immediate circle and your daily activity, if you get completely out of all that, and take a look and wonder, "What's going to happen?" — a black hole, you can't see anything.

And when I say, "What's going to happen?" I don't mean what's going to happen on earth, but through what combination of circumstances or sequence of events is the new creation going to take place?

There is an entire part of the earth's past history that, ultimately, is totally unknown to us. They have indeed made so-called discoveries, but... all those stories, I don't know how much of them is true.

Now, for great upheavals men want to do without Nature's help. It seems that five nations have atomic bombs, and the bombs of just one of those nations are enough to... vrrf! destroy the earth. So if all this (because it's new, after all) suddenly gets out of control... They don't know how long these things can remain in waiting: if all at once they start exploding — can you see that! (laughing) In all the countries, all the bombs going off at the same time!

Poor earth.

It's worse than a Deluge. All in all, the ways of the Earth were more gentle, Nature was more reasonable.

(silence)

Ultimately, there is only one comfort, it's that nothing will ever happen except what has to happen, so... This is the consciousness in which I live — I don't worry at all, not in the least. But I mean that in actual fact, in an objective manner, we know nothing.

I am not aware of what people nowadays think they know, but, for example, when the animal reign dominated the earth, before it appeared and to make it appear, were there ever any catastrophes?... Of course, you can vaguely feel an earth that slowly grows colder and is first purely mineral, then plants appear little by little — you see that very well (I've even seen very interesting photographs), but is it the fact of growing colder that itself caused catastrophes? Earthquakes, submersions, floods?...

There was a movement of the continents, and so, necessarily, the ice sheets melted and the earth was flooded. But this movement of the continents was probably a consequence of the cooling.

Now they say that they have instruments capable of measuring the fact that the continents are still moving. They even said, a few years ago, that many parts of Siberia, which used to be so cold that nothing could be done there, were beginning to be cultivated, and that, necessarily, the tropics aren't so warm anymore.

But these things must be coming about very gradually, so it's always possible to adapt, people can move to other places.

The historical period is very short. Already, as it is, it's very uncertain, but very short.

Perhaps the conscious effort of the Vedas came after thousands and thousands of years of research, studies, civilizations that didn't leave any trace? Because they have more or less calculated the time of the coming of man on the earth — a few million years, no? How much?

Out of that million, we know 5,000 years, you see that!

Poor little ball! How vain we are! We think we know everything.

(silence)

Maybe it's into the past that I wander? It may be into the past, it may be into the future, it may be in the present. I have noticed that the costumes aren't at all like today's or like anything we know. But when I am there, in the activity, it's perfectly natural, you don't notice it: it's like something you see every day, you don't notice it. Only when I come back and objectify a little do I say to myself, "Well, how odd!" (for myself and for others). And I am not at all as I am now, not at all. Moreover, I think I have been what is called "different persons" at different times. There was even a time when I looked to see if it wasn't that I was identifying with different persons, but there is no identification, I don't feel I am "entering someone," nothing like that. But in appearance, I am not always the same person: sometimes I am very tall, sometimes I am small, sometimes I am young, sometimes I am not old but grownup. Very, very different. But there is always the same central consciousness, there is always... (Mother collects herself) the Witness who watches on behalf of the Lord and decides on behalf of the Lord. This is the attitude: the Witness who watches — that is to say, who sees everything, observes everything, and who decides, either for himself or for others (indifferently), always. That is the fixed point. On behalf of... of the "something" that's eternal — eternal, eternally true, eternally powerful and eternally knowing. That is there, through everything. Otherwise, there are different things all the time, different circumstances, different surroundings; there are ways of life that are very, very different. And also, if I wake up at the beginning of the night, it's one particular type of thing; if I wake up in the middle of the night, it's another type of thing; if I wake up... "wake up," let's be clear, it isn't coming out of sleep, it's returning to the present consciousness. And every time, it's different, like coming from different worlds, different times, different activities.

And it's clear that "one" doesn't expect me to remember — that doesn't matter at all. It is an ACTION. It's an action, it isn't a knowledge I am given — an action. I am working. Is it "I have worked"? Is it "I am going to work"? Is it "I am working"? I don't know. Probably all three.

And whether I remember or not doesn't matter at all.

(silence)

But there are some points one should nevertheless know... and for which there is no certainty. For instance, to what extent does the presence of a physical body [Mother's body], in the world as it is now, act on the Work that is being done? To what extent?... Is it indispensable? Is it really indispensable? And if it is, what is the effect and the extent? In other words, are there things that one can do only in a physical body, or can the same things be done anyway (except we don't have the opportunity to chat about it, so!...)?

But if the stories as we are told them are more or less true, I mean if they have any truth, there isn't ONE Avatar who stayed — they all left. Or else they're hiding well, because... No one has ever met any of them, you see. There are people who go looking for them, but no one has ever met them. And their deaths have even been much talked about and often seem to have played a rather important role.

You see, it is said that Shiva lived on earth, that Krishna lived on earth. As for Buddha and Christ, we know they lived on earth — it raised enough rumpus! People even made more fuss about Christ's death than about his life. As for Buddha, he professed himself in favor of going away for good (although he didn't actually). But the others...? They have of course told the story of Krishna's death — but they have told many stories.

Obviously, there was no cinema and no newspapers! But newspapers and all paper things can't last very long. In America, they have made underground shelters for books — they take all the best, then they store it under certain conditions. But what if the earth and the continents move!... And anyway, who will be able to read? Even the Assyrian inscriptions, which aren't old, are still a riddle. They don't really know: they imagine they know. The names we were taught when we were small and the names today's children are taught are totally different, because they hadn't found the phonetic notation.

Ultimately, if we look at things with the slightest care, even OUTWARDLY, we know nothing.

21. October 1964 – Having no Powers

On the 18th, I had an interesting experience. It was the doctor's birthday and I gave him a meditation, and after the meditation, he asked me to write for him what I had seen during the meditation. I had no intention of doing so, but an hour later, that is, at lunch time...

To be clear, I should tell the whole story from the beginning.

Before the meditation, I told him, "You will let me know when you have finished — I don't want to let you know." So I finished what I had to do, then I took a look and said to myself, "Let's see now, let's try." And I simply made a formation and put it on him, saying, "Now, it's over." Then I didn't move, I stayed very quiet. It took about half a minute, even less; he opened his eyes, and then it was over. But when I saw him again at lunchtime, I asked him, "When you indicated to me it was over, what did you feel?" He told me, "I felt (Mother laughs) the Force was going, so I thought it was over..." Well, his answer showed me the exact difference.... He should hew felt. "Mother is calling me, Mother is telling me it's over," but he felt the Force was going.

Then, as he saw I was talking to him, he took the opportunity to ask me, "I would really like to have visions." I answered him all that had to be answered, and I told him that, in the last analysis, it's only the Lord who decides when we should have visions, when we shouldn't have them, when we are making progress, when we aren't, and so on. Then, in the most hypocritical tone (laughing), like someone who says something to be polite but doesn't believe a word of it, he said, "Oh, then we are indeed fortunate, because we have the Lord among us." I pretended to believe he was sincere, and I answered him, "No, no, no! You can't say that, it's not possible — I AM NOT the Lord!" And I explained a little the consciousness I have of the Lord, I said, "You shouldn't think I am the Lord..." (in my thought, it was: "I am not the Lord as YOU imagine Him"), "because if I were the Lord (Mother smiles, amused), you would have visions and you would be cured."

This took place around 11:30. In the afternoon, usually I take my bath and stretch out a little, a good while, over there. I said to the Lord, "And after all, why (laughing) can't I do something for people like this who are really nice? Why can't I work miracles?" I asked Him this half seriously, half in jest. Then all of a sudden, it became very serious. All of a sudden, the Presence was very intense and it was very serious. Then l felt something that said in an absolutely positive way (it was translated into words), "You MUST NOT have powers." And the total understanding.

You must not have powers.

And it was a world of... Incidents of this kind bring about a world of parallels, of experiences and so on. So I began writing (it came, as always, through successive "sedimentations"). The first sedimentation gave this:

If you approach me in the hope of obtaining favours , you will be frustrated, because I have no powers at my disposal.

It came in French too:

"Ceux qui s'approchent de moi avec l'intention d'obtenir des faveurs seront déçus, parce que je ne dispose pas de pouvoirs."

But the true version is this one (I replaced s'approchent with viennent and dispose with détiens, and I put the present tense), it's from the last sedimentation:

"Ceux qui viennent a moi avec l'intention d'obtenir des faveurs sont déçus, parce que je ne détiens pas de pouvoirs."

And what's almost fantastic is that a whole ARMY OF ADVERSE FORCES WERE REDUCED TO SILENCE — immediately. And the atmosphere was clarified, relieved.

Then, taking a good look, I understood that it is that mixture in people's thoughts, in people's feelings, in their approach to spiritual life, which is catastrophic — they always "want" something, they always "demand" something, they always "expect" something. In fact, it's a perpetual bargaining. It's not the need to give yourself, not the need to melt into the Divine, to disappear into the Divine — no: they try to take, to obtain what they want.

And for several hours (it lasted several hours, from that moment till night) the atmosphere was clear, light, luminous — and my body, my body was in such joy! As if it were floating in the air.

Afterwards, everything came back — not "everything": something didn't come back, which was definitely settled, but one part of the attacks was clarified.

It was so concrete! I have never felt it so concretely, something seemed to have been completely swept away.

But how is your renouncing or your having no powers sufficient to sweep the adverse forces away?

No, it's the fact that I ANNOUNCED it.

No powers — I knew very well I had no powers! And I couldn't have cared less because I understood perfectly well that what is being attempted now isn't miraculous events at all, but the LOGICAL and normal and inevitable CONSEQUENCE of the supramental transformation — that is the whole point. That I know and knew, and that's why I didn't even bother about powers; anyway it hadn't even remotely occurred to me that I might work a miracle for the doctor or for this or that other person who approaches me — I didn't think about it, it didn't enter my consciousness. Only, on the 18th, through that occasion it entered my consciousness, and so I asked the question to find out why I never thought about it: "Why?" And I was positively told: "You MUST NOT wield powers, because that's not the way things should be done."

But there was a whole mass of adverse forces (I saw all sorts of things, I don't want to go into details) that were trying to PREVENT me from declaring it. And I had to make an effort (Mother makes a gesture of driving back an obstructing mass)... not an effort to fight, but an effort to overcome something, as when you are hemmed in, an effort to break a shell so as to be able to proclaim it. And the minute I did that, the minute I took my paper and started writing — pfft! it all went, as if swept away!... That, yes, that I understand! That's the Lord's Power. No intermediate power can do that — it was a splendor, you know! As if all of a sudden the physical world had become a solar world, splendid and radiant, and so light, so harmonious! It was a marvel. For hours.

And it made me understand that one of the most considerable obstacles is that deviation of aspiration into a thirst for something. But who doesn't deviate?... You see, I always start by looking at myself and at all that I know of this being's conscious life (that's my first observation), and all the images come; well, the self-offering, the perfectly pure aspiration that doesn't expect any result — absolutely free from the slightest idea of result — the aspiration in its essential purity... that's not frequent. It's not frequent.

Now the conditions are totally different, but I see the mass of aspirations, of approaches, and I always compare with my attitude towards Sri Aurobindo at that time, when it was he who, to me, represented the Intermediary; well, I understand... I understand that the absolutely pure thing, that is, free of all mixture with the ego consciousness (it's the ego consciousness), free of all mixture with the ego consciousness, is... it's still rare.

And it's this mixture with the ego consciousness (I am speaking here not from the personal, but from the general standpoint) that, when the words were written, was swept away by something as powerful as a hurricane, without the violence of a hurricane — scattered, dissolved, swept away! All those things that were pressing, against which I constantly had to strive in order to move on — swept away! And they didn't come back completely.

That state didn't remain (that state was a state of Victory). But things haven't come back as they were, and they will never come back as they were. Something has really been clarified. And it isn't a personal, individual question: it's something general.

(Mother starts making a fair copy of the last "sedimentation":)

You understand, the word "favor" is deliberate. It's quite deliberate, it really means a favor — to be helped in making the necessary progress is all very well, but what they want is the result WITHOUT HAVING TO WALK THE PATH, and that's what is impossible, that's what must not be.

Basically, that's always what men ask of religions; the "God" of religion is a god who must do them favors: "I believe in You, therefore You must do this for me" (it isn't formulated so bluntly, but it is like that), It isn't the aspiration to be guided on the path in order to do exactly what should be done for the Transformation to take place. And that's what I was clearly told: "It MUST NOT be miraculous powers." The power of the Help is there, fully, of course, but the miraculous power that does things without their being the result of a progress achieved, that must not be.

(Mother goes on copying her note)

And I replaced the future tense with the present, deliberately too, because it isn't something new: it has always been that way; it isn't that I now announce they will be disappointed — they have always been disappointed. And asserting this fact is what had the power of dispelling a whole mass of formations: not only formations of beings of the vital or hostile beings, but the false mental formations of human beings.

And here, I wrote: Je ne détiens pas de pouvoirs ["I possess no powers"], which is better than Je ne dispose pas de pouvoirs ["I have no powers at my disposal"]. I had chosen the word dispose in French (chosen, I mean, not mentally), but the word dispose came along with the meaning that the power wasn't at my disposal — there is a nuance. I mean that if, by some aberration (it would really be an aberration), if by some aberration I had the desire to work a miracle, I wouldn't be able to — it would be contrary to the supreme Will. It isn't that I am deliberately making the choice, "No, I won't work miracles" — I can't, that's not the way, it MUST NOT be like that.

Oh, but there has been a dreadful revolt in the Ashram's atmosphere! Not in their conscious mind, but in the subconscient — a terrible revolt. In order to write down my declaration, in order to formulate it, I had to overcome a whole mass of things, it was extraordinary! There have even been individual reactions: "Then I am going away." I said, "Very well, here is the exact proof."

It was interesting.

The doctor himself received it as a blow — he was trembling inside.

Yes, it mustn't be a "favor." "Give me the Force to be what I should be," that, yes.

What triggered the whole experience (I forgot to tell you this), when I asked the Lord, "Why? Why couldn't I do something for these people who are really nice?" is that that story of the past came back, when Sri Aurobindo told me, "You are doing a work of the Overmind, you will work miracles that will fill the world with admiration..." and so on, I told you the story. It came back massively, exactly the same thing: "That is not the truth we want...." And that's also why I stopped all those pujas of the Mother in October-November, because they all used to come with the idea of getting something: miracles, miracles, miracles — never for the True Thing. And that's what they expect of God, of course, miracles or favors, illogical and unreasonable things, instead of wanting the Divine's progressive advance.

Obviously, that's more difficult.

24. October 1964 – An Assurance of Triumph

And the experience has brought a stability that didn't exist before — a stability and a certainty, an Assurance that all will be well.

Because the body lived for months, almost years, in a sort of constant tension; it was forever waiting for the next minute, the next second, forever tensed forward in a sort of haste or uncertainty, as though the next moment would be better. There was a constant instability, which created a great obstacle for the Vibration to become established (I am talking about the body's cells, naturally). Well, on the 18th, with that experience, there was an assurance of Triumph.

And the body's state didn't revert to what it was before, far from it: there is a sort of peaceful tranquillity that no longer feels, no longer has the sense of a constant uncertainty — that's finished.

30. October 1964 – Joy in the body itself

I feel we are turning a corner.

It's very narrow. Do you know mountain roads?... All of a sudden, you come to a corner, a sharp turn, and you can't see the other side — below is a precipice, behind is the rock — and the path... it would seem to have grown narrower in order to turn the corner, it's become quite narrow. I've encountered that in the mountains — often. And now, I feel we are turning the corner; but we are beginning to turn it, in the sense that we are beginning to see the other side, and the consciousness (always the body consciousness) is on the verge of a bedazzlement, like the first glimpses of something marvelous — not positively unexpected because that is what we wanted, but truly marvelous. And at the same time, there is that old habit of meeting difficulties at every step, of receiving blows at every step, the habit of a painful labor, which takes away the spontaneousness of an unalloyed joy; it gives a sort of... not a doubt that things will be that way, but you wonder, "Has it already come? Have we reached the end?" and you don't dare think you have reached the end. That attitude, naturally, isn't favorable, it still belongs to the domain of the old reason; but it receives support from the usual recommendations: "You shouldn't give free rein to wild imaginings and hopes, you should be very level-headed, very patient, very slow to get carried away." So there is an alternation of a sort of crouching, timorously moving forward step by step in order not to slide down into the hole, and a glorious sense of wonder: "Oh, are things really that way?!"

This has been the body's feeling for three or four days.

But it keeps increasing, and that sort of "crouching" is greatly lessened by the knowledge and experience that if you are perfectly calm, all goes well — always, even in the worst difficulties.... Very recently, the day before yesterday, there was (always on the physical level; it can't be called "health," but it's the body's functioning) a rather serious attack, which found expression in a rather unpleasant pain; it came with unusual brutality. Then, immediately, the body remembered and said, "Peace, peace... Lord, Your Peace, Lord, Your Peace..." and it relaxed in Peace. And in an objectively perceptible way, the pain went away.

It tried to come back and then went away, tried to come back and went away.... The process lasted the whole night.

But it was extraordinarily obvious! The physical conditions were absolutely the same, and one minute earlier, there was an almost intolerable pain, which went away like that, in the Lord's Peace.

It's already two days since it went away, and it hasn't come back. I don't know if it will come back.

But then, the body is learning one thing, and learning it not as an effort that has to be made, but as a spontaneous condition: it's that ALL that happens is for progress. All that happens is for reaching the true state, the one that is expected of the cells so that the Realization may be accomplished — even the blows, even the pains, even apparent disorganizations, all that is on purpose. And it's only when the body takes it in the wrong way, like a fool, that it gets worse and insists; whereas if the body immediately says, "Very well, Lord, what do I have to learn?" and responds with calm, calm, the relaxation of calm, immediately the difficulty becomes tolerable, and after a moment, it gets better.

(silence)

If the work were limited to a single body, a single mass or quantity, a single aggregate of cells, it would be very easy by comparison, but the interchange, the union, the reciprocity is automatic and spontaneous, and constant. You feel that the effect going on here [in Mother's body] naturally, necessarily and spontaneously has its consequences very far and wide; only, it makes difficulties worse, and that's why it takes a lot of time. There is a correspondence, you see: something new occurs in the body, a new pain, a new disorganization, something unexpected, and after some time, I learn that this person or that person has the very same thing!

That, too, the body knows, and it doesn't protest — that goes without saying, it's the way things are. But it prolongs the work considerably.... Probably there will be a corresponding endurance. Because there is neither regret nor revolt nor fatigue; really, the body is ready to be very happy, all it wants is to be very happy — it dare not be yet, that's the only point. It's something it dare not be: "Are things... are they really as good as that!" It dare not. But it's very happy: "I have no cause for complaint, everything is fine; there are difficulties, but without difficulties there is no progress."

Yes, what it still has is the fear of joy — not positively "fear," but... a timidity in the face of joy. Sometimes waves of an intense Bliss come to it, waves of Ananda, in which all the cells begin to swell with a joyous golden light, and then... it's as if one dared not — one dare not. That's the difficulty.

The people around me don't help. Those immediately around me have no faith.

So that doesn't help, because the mental atmosphere isn't favorable. Mentally, you look at it and smile; but the body feels it a little bit, it feels a little the pressure of defeatist formations around. But it knows why those around are like that — from the material point of view, those around are just what is needed, just what is needed; the body needs such an atmosphere so that material difficulties aren't made worse. So it's perfectly happy, only it dare not be joyous; it immediately says, "Oh, it's still too beautiful a thing for life as it is!"

I don't know how long it will last.

(silence)

Now and then, when I am perfectly at rest and perfectly quiet (when I know, for instance, that I have half an hour of perfect quiet and no one will disturb me), at such time, the Lord becomes very close, very close, and often I feel Him saying (not with words), saying to my body, "Let yourself go, let yourself go; be joyous, be joyous, let yourself go, relax," and the immediate result is that it completely relaxes, and I go into a bliss — but I no longer have any contact with the outside! The body goes into a deep trance, I think, and it loses all contact; for instance, the clock strikes, but I don't hear it.

One should be able to keep that bliss while being quite active and hard at work. I am not referring to the inner joy, not at all, there's no question of that, it's out of the question, it's immutably established: I am referring to that Joy IN THE BODY ITSELF.

That sort of quiet satisfaction which it feels, now it feels it even when there are sharp pains, with the trusting feeling that it's all with a view to transformation and progress and the future Realization. It no longer worries — it no longer worries at all, it no longer frets at all, it no longer even has the sense of the effort to be made in order to endure: there's a smile.

But the glimpses of the True Thing, all of a sudden, are so wonderful that... Only, the gap between the present state and THAT is still wide, and it seems that for THAT to settle in once and for all, It must become natural.

(long silence)

Love is the single, supreme means of manifestation.

And Manifestation automatically implies unfolding. And this conception (because ail this is the way in which the human consciousness is able to approach things), this conception of an eternal simultaneousness — an eternal, coexistent simultaneousness — is a very clumsy and human translation of the state of non-manifestation. Because Manifestation automatically implies unfolding: without unfolding there is no Manifestation. But human thought, even speculative thought, is so clumsy and childish; it always confuses the two notions: the notion of unfolding and the notion of the unforeseen or unexpected; the notion of unfolding and the notion of the "new" creation, of something that is created and was not — all this is so... (Mother knocks her papers across the table). You see (laughing), my things are protesting!

It's in this "problem" that I have been living these past few days. And mark you, it isn't at all the speculation of a higher being or a being who belongs to other worlds: it's the substance of physical life that wants to know its own inner, deeper law.

(silence)

It's amusing: all the mental constructions men have tried to live and realize on earth come to me, like this, from every side, to be ordered, clarified, put in their own place, arranged, organized, synthesized. So all those supposedly "great" problems come to me, and immediately there is an indulgent smile, as at a child's fumblings; but not at all with a sense of superiority, nothing like that, there's only the feeling that an instrument is used that cannot solve the problem. And a kind of certainty, deep down in Matter, that the solution lies THERE — this is very strong, very strong. Oh, what fuss, what fuss, how vainly you have tried! — go deep enough within, stay quiet enough, and then THAT will be. And you cannot understand it: it only has to BE.

You cannot understand it, because you are using instruments that cannot understand. But it cannot be understood: it has to BE.

When you are that, then you will be it, that's all, there won't be any more problem.

And all this is down there, at ground level.

But all the great Schools, the great Ideas, the great Realizations, the great... and then the religions — that's still lower down; all of it, oh, what childishness!

And that wisdom!... It's an almost cellular wisdom (it's odd). For instance, I was looking at the relationship I had with all those great beings of the Overmind and higher, the perfectly objective and very familiar relationship I had with all those beings and the inner perception of being the eternal Mother — all that is very well, but for me it's almost ancient history! The me that exists now is HERE, it's at ground level, in the body; it's the body, it's Matter; it's at ground level; and to tell the truth, it doesn't care much about the intervention of all those beings... who ultimately know nothing at all! They don't know the true problem: they live in a place where there are no problems. They don't know the true problem — the true problem is here.

It's an amused way of looking at religions and all the gods the way you would look at... they are like theater performances. They're pastimes; but that's not what can teach you to know yourself, not at all, not at all! You must go right down to the bottom.

And it is this, this descent to the very bottom, in search of... but it isn't an unknown, it isn't an unknown — a bursting (it really is like a bursting), that marvelous bursting of the Vibration of Love; that is... it is the memory. And the effort is to turn it into an active reality.

(silence)

Maybe that feeling of threat is the expression of the resistance and ill will of all that doesn't want to change — it's possible. It's possible. There is everything that doesn't want to change, all that exists only through and for the Falsehood, and doesn't want things to change. It's like those sudden pains in the body, if you look at them, you always see something black, a sort of black thread or black dot — it's something that is unwilling: "I don't want any of it! I don't want things to change, I am ATTACHED to my Falsehood." So the threat may be from everything that doesn't want to change.

Ultimately, we just have to smile. And one day, it will have to change anyway — we'll have given it enough time, we have given it enough rein, no?

We shouldn't take them seriously: they may shout, they may protest, they may grumble, they may threaten, they may play all sorts of nasty tricks on us — they last only a time, and when their time is up, it'll be over, that's all. We only have to last longer than they do, that's all. And it's very easy to last if we hold on tight to that which is Eternal: it doesn't even require an effort. And it allows us to look at everything with a smile.