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January 1970 |
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That big change is the emergence
upon earth of a new race which will be to man what man is to the animal. The consciousness of that new race is already at work on the earth to enlighten all those who are capable of receiving and listening to it. |
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3. January 1970 – The Matrimandir |
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I could describe it. It came
like this. It will be a kind of hall which will be like the inside of a
column. No windows. Ventilation will be artificial, with this kind of
machinery (Mother points to an air conditioner), and just a roof. And
sunlight striking the center; or, when there is no sunlight (at night or on
overcast days), an electric spotlight. The idea is to build right now an
example or a “model” for a hundred people or so. Once the city is
built and the experiment is made, we will make a BIG thing of it – but
then it will be very big, for one or two thousand people. And the second one
will be built around the first, which means that the first will go only when
the second is built. But the big temple will be built afterwards, and then on a huge scale.... The smaller one will go only once the bigger one is built. But of course, for the city to be completed, we must allow some twenty years (for everything to be in order, in its place). It’s the same with the gardens: all the gardens that are being prepared are for now, but in twenty years, all that will have to be on another scale; then it will have to be something really... really beautiful. And I wonder what substance that globe should be made of, the big one?... The small one could be made of crystal: for a globe this size (gesture about one foot) I think it will do. The globe will have to be visible from every corner of the room. Yes, a roof with two sides so as to get sunlight. It will have to be so arranged that rainwater can’t get in. Something that needs to be opened and closed every time it rains won’t do, it’s not possible; it will have to be in such a way that rainwater can’t get in. But sunlight must get in AS A BEAM, not diffused. So the opening will have to be limited.... It’s a kind of tower with twelve regular facets representing the twelve months of the year, and absolutely empty.... Only, it will have to hold one to two hundred people. So, to support the roof, there would be inside (not outside, inside) twelve columns; and right at the center, the object of concentration.... And with the sun’s concentration, all year round it will have to get in AS A BEAM (not diffused: it will have to be so arranged that it can get in as beams); then, according to the hour of the day and the month of the year, the beam will revolve (there will be some device at the top) and it will be directed onto the center. At the center, there will be the symbol [of Mother], then Sri Aurobindo’s symbol supporting a globe. A globe which we’ll try to have made of a transparent substance such as crystal or... A large globe. Then people will be let in order to concentrate – (laughing) to learn to concentrate! No fixed meditations, nothing of the sort, but they will have to stay there in silence – silence and concentration. So, depending on the hour of the day (the hour of the day and the month of the year), the sun will go round. Then, at night, as soon as sunlight has vanished, we’ll switch on spotlights which will have the same effect and the same color. Night and day the light will remain there. But no windows or lamps or things of the sort – nothing. Ventilation through air conditioners (they’re set inside the walls, that’s very easy). |
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I saw that future being (I saw it many years ago): it was clearly a far more harmonious and expressive form than the human one, but there was a likeness, it was still a human form, that is to say, with a head and arms and legs and... Will it be that? I don’t know. There will necessarily be that as an intermediary – necessarily. There were all those kinds of apes which acted as intermediaries between the animal and man.... But lightness, invulnerability, moving about at will, luminosity at will – all that goes without saying, it’s part of supramental qualities, but... Oh, yes, also clothing at will: it’s not something foreign added on, it’s the substance that takes on certain forms.... All that I had seen, and I told Sri Aurobindo about it, and Sri Aurobindo himself gave me certain demonstrations (I see him sometimes and he shows me). He simply said what the intermediary step will be. But all descriptions are worthless. And when I see him at night (sometimes I spend hours with him), it’s so natural and spontaneous that I am not even observing, “This is like this, that is like that...” – no. In the morning, with a concentration, the impression remains very strong, but as for the details as we here understand them, you can’t say. Now I understand why he said “supramental”; instead of saying “superman” he said “supramental” because superman is... Whereas for that being, the very basis of his existence is different; instead of being based on division, it’s based on union. Man talks a lot about union, but he doesn’t have the least idea what it is. Its very interesting. And this body feels so clearly that it... it no longer belongs here, but it’s not yet there, so... (Mother makes a gesture in suspense) in appearance it’s something completely absurd, with apparent weaknesses that human beings scorn, and... (laughing) awesome forces that human beings cannot bear. |
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It
is much better to become than to worship. Some people wrote to me letters and did all kinds of things to express their adoration and so on, and I felt so clearly that it’s out of a LAZINESS to change that they worship! (Mother laughs) If
you want to find your soul, to know and obey it, stay here at any cost. If
that is not the goal of your life and you are ready to live the life of the
great majority of people, you can certainly go back to your family. The harm you have
caused willfully
always comes back to you in one form or another. Many people have had a movement of anger,
a movement of... willfully
causing harm – it comes back to them. |
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He said supramental because... He said, leave all this. Supramental – SUPRA, you understand? |
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And since not all of them are quite ready, I do what the Consciousness does: I apply the Pressure and say nothing – I wait (Mother laughs). But everywhere that’s
the difficulty: the person first. So that spoils everything. |
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Separation must be done away with, then their very nature changes: it’s no longer “good” and “evil” but something else, which is complete. It’s complete. It’s
on the borderline... all that is on the borderline.... When
will THE Thing come?... I don’t know. |
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I said to myself, “How come...?” It’s the first time. I see him almost every night, but always busy, going here and there, doing this or staying still or seeing people, or apparently doing nothing. But here, he was driving the car – it was the car of the world – and there was a screen so people wouldn’t see it was him.... The whole, entire world was at the back, and people didn’t know, but it was driven with extraordinary sureness and speed. When I woke up, I had the impression that something had really changed. It’s obviously the coming of the centenary [in 1972].... Still, there was a screen, but he was the one who was driving. Now I understand my vision. It was that force, that power in him... it was tremendous. |
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When one has lost trust in one’s
personal power, one must have faith in the Divine Grace. |
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The only solution, every minute
and in every case, is... (gesture of surrender): “What You will.”
In other words, the abolition of preference and desire. Even the preference
not to suffer. |
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Accept without... (what’s the word?) without effort – ADHERE. Then it’s over. The entire old illusion of disappearing with the body’s dissolution, it’s a long time since it went away, of course, and now the body itself is quite convinced that even if it were scattered like that [in “death”], that would widen its field of consciousness.... I don’t even know how to explain because for the consciousness, this sense of the personal and the need of the personal has vanished. I clearly see, the body clearly realizes that it’s only its own resistance – its resistance to the Truth – that makes it possible for it to suffer. Wherever there is complete adherence, suffering disappears instantly. The nearer a part of the being (any part) draws to the moment of the transition, that is, the more ready it is for that transition, the more sensitive it becomes. And then, when you reach the point where you can go beyond the stage of problems and see with the universal vision, problems take on, to the personal sensitiveness, a most intense acuteness. I had noticed it before, and now it’s recurring for the body. It’s acquiring a... terrifying sensitiveness, you understand. People who don’t know why things are like that really get terrified.... The possibility of discomfort, of... It’s the same thing with problems. Only, for those who KNOW and who have understood, it’s the opportunity of making the last progress, of doing this (Mother opens her hands upward). Basically, what still has the illusion of being something separate must dissolve. It must say to itself, “Its not my business, I don’t exist.” That’s the best attitude it can take. Then... it goes into the great Universal Rhythm. |
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So I’d really like to know what was in the minds of those boys who went away? Whether they knew, whether they were boys with a spiritual life or...? Because, of course, the first stage once one knows that... if one knew that death really isn’t such a total difference as people think, if they knew what it really is without having the inner realization of self-giving, all those who felt hurt would say, “I’m going!...” All at once I understood that, and I said to myself it’s an infinite Wisdom again, an infinite Grace that man does not know – does not know what death is, he thinks it’s the end. But I understand one thing, it’s that there should be EITHER the Supreme Consciousness OR inconscience; it’s the transition between the two that’s horrible: a half consciousness is still worse. There’s a VERY STRONG action. But, of course, people expect everything to go smoothly according to their conception, and then they are surprised: how come this divine Consciousness is at work and there are so many difficult or painful or unexpected things?... – They don’t understand. But this body understands very well! Not for one minute has it complained. It hasn’t even... not for a second has it put the blame on others. It only said to itself, “Poor thing, you still have quite a lot of this old Disorder.” |
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The Supreme
Lord’s opinion alone matters. The Supreme Lord alone deserves all our love and gives it back a hundredfold. |
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Oh, but it would take hours to
tell it all. It’s certainly in the material world. So then (laughing),
last night, suddenly I saw two tall figures with human shapes, but all gray
and you couldn’t make out eyes or nose and so on. They had a human
shape and all gray; they were the two “doctors” (what doctors I
don’t know), and they were discussing. My body was on the bed (though I
think I wasn’t sitting, yet I wasn’t standing!), and they were
discussing together but without words. It looked like kinds of beings in a
lower vital world, huge, tall beings – tall, strong, formidable. Then
one of them, in his demonstration, pointed to my heart with his finger, and
his finger touched – I let out a scream! A physical scream! I wasn’t happy. Never, never, never touched,
never. Once, I had a very high fever, 108°, it was tremendous (it didn’t
last long, a few hours); I had caught that when I went to a gathering of
workers doing a puja or something. I had caught a fever. But Sri Aurobindo was there. And I saw, I
saw all the beings of the most material vital charging (gesture of onslaught
on the body). I remember that, it was in Sri Aurobindo’s time (quite a
long time ago). I saw them, and I said to Sri Aurobindo, “So that’s
what gives people dreadful nightmares.” They would draw near (they
would try to), and on touching Sri Aurobindo’s presence around me they
would draw back, then they would come back again and would be repulsed –
it lasted the whole night. But last night, it wasn’t that....
Naturally, Sri Aurobindo wasn’t there physically, and... I saw those
beings. The main thing is that when that being in his demonstration touched
me with his finger, it made me scream – I screamed materially. |
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The absolutely concrete experience for the body, it had it the whole morning, and the conclusion came during the meditation. It’s a bit difficult to define—words diminish a lot. It resembles what we call “peace,” but it’s luminous, with such an impression of… (what’s the word?) ease, well-being… something… It’s not turned this way (gesture to oneself), it’s turned that way (gesture outward), and that’s what makes it so hard to explain. It’s not in the body, in itself, that it finds its well-being, it’s a well-being… (gesture in every direction), a sort of radiating well-being, and so… yes, something resembling a certitude—there’s no more… “anxiety” is quite out of the question (“question” is quite out of the question!…), but it is… it’s more what we call positively well-being and certitude. Something inexpressible. It’s so vast (in the body, that’s the point), so vast… Really it was like an offering for today. The whole day yesterday, the attack was very strong, as if to see whether the body would bear up. But it kept its trust and calm certitude (that it had the whole day long), and then it became something… that was it, but… It’s hard to explain. |
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Among other things and in a quite practical and positive way, he explained to me that the cause of all illnesses, all disorders, all conflicts, here in the material world, is that the two simultaneous movements (one is the movement of duration—what we could call Stability—and the other, the movement of transformation), the two movements in the original Consciousness are only one and not in contradiction; and I was shown how (not with the thought: with the consciousness), here, they are separate, and that’s what is the cause of death. It’s because they can’t be in harmony—they don’t KNOW how to be in harmony: they can, but they don’t know. One is the movement of transformation, the other the movement of stability. When they are not in harmony, or not in harmony where they should be, it causes a break in equilibrium and the being dies—things die, everything dies because of that. But put that way, it makes no sense. It’s the experience of the thing which is given…. And this also, the cough and all that—all of it, everything—it’s so simple! So obvious once you have the experience. We could say (almost) that if the two find their
equilibrium of simultaneous existence, it re-creates the Divine…. He is
in us, but not in harmony. |
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There are troublesome moments. Because mental convictions, mental constructions help the body a lot, and now it no longer has any, so it no longer has that facility. For instance, when you have a mental faith—what’s called faith—it helps you a lot, because it remains without budging through all difficulties… but that’s not there anymore! It’s only the Consciousness, but then the Consciousness… (smiling) the Consciousness makes no fuss. The Consciousness doesn’t talk nonsense, it doesn’t tell you stories at the desired moment in order to help you—it’s like this, as it is (gesture like an immutable presence), in its absolute simplicity and sincerity. So you see very well, you know very well, but… The body sees very well, it also sees that its sensations are evidently… almost made up, which means that they don’t really correspond to the truth—but… (laughing) that doesn’t help it much!… At times it really feels ill at ease. It has become so conscious of its own imbecility that… the first effect was to say, “It’s hopeless; it has to dissolve for something else to take the place.” And then there’s always that Smile looking on here, making no fuss…. So… so it tries to be still. You see, it has gone beyond the stage of imbecility where you say, “Why are these things like this?”—It sees clearly, sees very well why they are like this. But things are so vast, so general that… It’s difficult for the body consciousness to remain in that state of universality all the time. To make a sentence (because all this looks like sentences), it’s knowing that one lives in a falsehood, knowing what that falsehood is, knowing, in flashes, what the Truth is, and yet being unable to … adjust the two. And seeing why. Because there’s a whole path to travel so this falsehood can abdicate before the Truth, can be transformed into Truth, and in a TRUE way—not arbitrarily but truly. So that requires all kinds of experiences, adjustments, and for us here, it means time, it needs time. It can’t be done instantly. And when the body sees, when it becomes conscious of its imbecility, it would like, it aspires for that to disappear instantly, so things grate. The body isn’t told anything positively—clearly, I mean precisely—neither that the transformation is possible nor that it’s impossible. So it’s like that, it sees what a tremendous work this is, what difference there is between what it is and what it ought to be, and at the same time, without knowing whether it will be capable of doing the work or not. What’s expected of it? It is told what’s expected of it from one minute to the next; that it’s told very clearly, so it does it, and so at times it can let itself go (Mother stretches her arms in the Great Rhythm), and then things are fine, but… But there is life and all the necessities of life, and each thing is a problem. In its state of ignorance (a general ignorance), when the body wants to persist, it… (what shall I say?) PASSIVELY accepts to persist as it is; but in its present state, it CANNOT accept to remain as it is, it has too much prescience of what must be, so there’s a sort of need to remain—a need to remain but without remaining, you understand? Things become… in a constant and almost total transformation. It’s a curious thing. When I am in that state, I am not asleep yet I am not awake; it’s neither one nor the other. It’s a sort of new state I have; whether I am in my bed or sitting in my armchair makes no difference. It’s a certain state I go into, in which I know things in such a clear way, and then (as I did with you) I explain them. Then when I go out of that state, pfft! finished…. It’s curious. Nights are very short—very short—yet when I go to bed, its hardly nine, I think, and I get up at 4:30, which is a long time. Yet it’s very short. You understand, I don’t sleep the way people do (but not at all), and I am not awake. It’s something else. And then, things are evident, very easy to understand, I can explain them (as I explain them to you), and it’s a perfectly natural phenomenon—there was no surprise at meeting you (it wasn’t “meeting,” you were there), and I told you things. And then, pfft! finished. Suddenly I’ll cough or have a pain here, there, and then… you fall back into this ordinary imbecility. Sometimes it’s like that when I am simply sitting there, in my armchair. But then, the funny thing is that I hear very clearly, see very clearly, but it’s evidently not with these senses because, for instance, right now I don’t hear well and don’t see clearly. But at such times… And I remember that I do things; for example, when I am with Sri Aurobindo at night, it’s with that consciousness; now, materially, my body is stooped—at night it was perfectly normal! Yet I don’t sleep! What is it? I don’t know. There’s something there…. Is it possible? And I don’t go out of my body…. Or is this body replaced by another?—I don’t know. |
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But anyway, things are moving, you understand, they feel as if everything is aroused, they’re no longer asleep and half inert, and that’s… Health too is like that. The body will feel quite fine, and suddenly, as soon as some old movement comes back, ah… things will grate and cry, oh!… But the consciousness (in the body, I mean) is growing clearer and clearer, more and more precise. The consciousness isn’t an idea, it’s a sort of… yes, a state of consciousness, an awareness of the Divines sole existence, of the sole Reality, and when it’s there, everything becomes wonderful (physically, materially). There are moments full of an intensity of harmony… quite exceptional. But then, when things grate, mon petit, they grate horribly! In the body (in the cells, the body consciousness), there is constantly a great battle between all the materialistic ideas and the true consciousness, and the result… (grating gesture). In the space of a quarter of an hour, everything starts grating—you have some pain, you’re ill at ease, everything seems about to be torn apart, with dreadful contradictions—and then, with the pressure of the true consciousness, suddenly pfft! everything vanishes in a minute, and it becomes… a marvel. But then, it’s not a stable thing: the struggle goes on. |
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What Sri Aurobindo says here about diseases is just the point: the power of habit, of all constructions, of what appears “inescapable” and “irrevocable” in diseases. With all that, experiences seem to multiply in order to show… in order for one to learn that it’s simply a question of attitude—the attitude of going beyond… beyond this mental prison humanity has locked itself in, and of… breathing up above. It’s the BODY’S experience. Before, those who had inner experiences would say, “Yes, up above, that’s the way it is, but here…” Now the “but here” will soon cease to be. This tremendous change is what’s being conquered, so physical life may be ruled by the higher consciousness and not by the mental world. It’s the change of authority…. It’s difficult. It’s hard. It’s painful. There is some damage done, naturally, but… But truly, one can see—one can see. And that’s the REAL CHANGE, that’s what will enable the new Consciousness to express itself. And the body is learning, it’s learning its lesson—all bodies, all bodies. |
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All the experiences others had had of making contact with the higher worlds, used to leave the physical here as it is. (How should I put it?…) From the very beginning of existence up to Sri Aurobindo’s departure, I lived in the awareness that one may rise, one may know, one may have all experiences (and one did have them), but when one came back into this body… it was those for-mid-able old laws of the mind that ruled everything. So then, all these years have been years spent preparing and preparing—freeing oneself and preparing—and these last few days, it was… ah! the body PHYSICALLY noting that things had changed. It has to be worked out, as they say, realized in every detail, but the change IS DONE—the change is done. Which means that the material conditions, which were elaborated by the mind, FIXED by it (Mother clenches her fist tight), and which appeared so inescapable, to such a point that those who had a living experience of the higher worlds thought one had to flee this world, abandon this material world if one really wanted to live in the Truth (that’s the cause of all those theories and beliefs), now things are no longer like that. Now things are no longer like that. The physical is CAPABLE of receiving the higher Light, the Truth, the true Consciousness, and of manifesting it. It’s not easy, it calls for endurance and will, but a day will come when it will be quite natural. It’s only just the open door—that’s all, now we have to go on. It has taken this Consciousness3… a little more than a year to win this Victory. Naturally, as yet it’s visible only to those who have the inner vision, but… its done. That was the work Sri Aurobindo had given me, that was it. Now I understand. But it’s as if from every side—every side—those mental forces, mental powers were rising in protest, violent in their protest, so as to impose their old laws: “But things have always been this way!…” But it’s over. They won’t always be this way, that’s all. We have to struggle on, we need patience, courage, will, trust—but things are no longer “just the way they are.” It’s the old thing trying to hang on tight—hideous! Hideous. But… it’s not like that anymore. It’s not like that anymore. And all, all circumstances are as catastrophic as they can be: troubles, complications, difficulties, everything, just everything goes at it relentlessly like that, like wild beasts, but… it’s over. The body KNOWS that it’s over. It may take centuries, but it’s over. To disappear, it may take centuries, but it’s over now. This wholly concrete and absolute realization that one could have only when going out of Matter (Mother brings a finger down), it’s sure, sure and certain that we will have it RIGHT HERE. It’s the fourteenth month since the Consciousness came—fourteenth month: twice seven. |
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That experience has been repeated HUNDREDS of times, for all kinds of different things. It’s not quite that, but somewhat: all the cells seem to be attuned—attuned to something higher than they, even in space, but which they feel as being their center. But a center… not like this (Mother gestures onto herself) and not… (what’s the word?) localized; it’s… neither here [the body] nor above, nor… It’s not localized. Yet the cells’ impression is that the Force—the impelling force or will-force—emanating from “that” spreads out (gesture fanning out downward) to enter into the body And… (this is interesting) the body feels it’s more DIRECTLY in relationship with “that” and, through it, that acts on others, on those around—but it’s not “others,” it’s… The body has sometimes even had the impression that some of those things [“others,” those around] are closer to it than others…. It’s very hard to explain…. But it’s spontaneous. You see, the difficulty is that in order to express it, I have to start thinking it, while it’s spontaneous: it’s a sensation, not a thought. For instance, at night when I am alone, at times there’s the impression of a disorder or an anguish somewhere [in “those around”], and then, the body’s remedy (it clearly feels it comes from outside towards it—but “outside” isn’t the word, it’s a distance… I don’t know how to explain), its sole movement of remedy is to rush into this luminous center—it’s not to “attract” something to it, it’s… to rush into that. |
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For the body it’s bearable only when the time has come for it to be convinced that the Divine is the only Truth; then it’s fine. Because it knows that the discomfort, however intense it may be, is sure to pass. So its at peace…. That’s what I have learned…. It began yesterday evening and lasted the whole morning—in fact, until you came, but it’s still there. Yes, this Consciousness seems to be intensifying all things so as to make them more perceptible: all the circumstances of life. Fantastic affairs, fantastic!… Unbelievable. Diseases, misunderstandings, quarrels, everything but everything has become acute, so acute, as if to really force people to see them. |
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You see, the idea is that there will be no customs in Auroville and no taxes, and Aurovilians will have no personal property. Like that on paper, it’s very fine, but when it comes to doing it in practice… The problem is always the same: those given the responsibility should be people with a… universal consciousness, of course, otherwise… Wherever there is a personal consciousness, it means someone incapable of governing—we can see how governments are, it’s frightful! |
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The cells are quite, absolutely convinced that… (I’ll put it in the simplest way) the Lord is all-powerful, you understand? Only, what they’re not convinced of is whether He WANTS (laughing) it to be this way or that, that is to say, whether He wants the transformation to be done in an already existing body, or in stages. But the one thing the body has conquered (almost totally I may say) is, no more desires, no more preferences (immutable gesture). It’s replaced by… “Only what You will.” Doesn’t choose, doesn’t say “This is better than that”—what You will. |
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It’s not at all that it turns into something else: it disappears. And on a physical level, it’s more important because, along with the pain, the CAUSE disappears too. Which means that the disorder that had occurred is dissolved, it no longer exists. That’s why I don’t think Sri Aurobindo is referring to physical things, because in the physical, experiences are different. Psychological or inner things, even sensations (sensations about events, not about the body), have a fluidity, they’re quite different in character. Things of the body have a sort of… (what shall I call it?) maybe a concrete stability or fixity, I don’t know. For example, if you have a pain somewhere (say in the heart or lungs or… some pain), it corresponds to something within, something that happened, a disorder, and the pain (when you are in a tranquil state) corresponds to what we might call the “situation” of the cells, so when the pain disappears it means the cells are back in place—it doesn’t mean that the disorder is continuing but you no longer feel it, that’s not it. So it’s not the sensation you have that changes, it’s the material FACT that has changed. And that I find much more marvelous: the contact with the true Force puts things back in order. But that’s because the cells are not used to surrendering, to giving themselves. Once the cells are conscious and give themselves, I have noticed that things can go really very fast. But it may depend on the kind of disorder; I suppose, for instance, that a broken bone may need some time to be repaired. I once broke this little bone (Mother points to the little finger of her left hand). Sri Aurobindo was there and I told no one except him (especially no doctor). I didn’t bandage it, didn’t do anything, I just kept it straight. There was even a time when I could feel the knitting of the bone (it made a slight lump, as it always does), but that too disappeared. But it took… I don’t remember exactly (that was long ago, he was there), but I simply took care not to move my finger (it was the left hand), and it knitted together without bandage or anything, like that, relatively fast, and without leaving ANY trace. It was broken. It was broken, but the bones hadn’t moved apart. I could feel the fracture—a month later it was over (I forget exactly how many days). And broken obviously means something very concrete! But I don’t know if, for instance, in the body’s present state, it wouldn’t happen much faster. I don’t know. But now, it’s a thoroughly conscious and almost “methodical” work, I might say, which is inflicted on the body so that one part after another, and all the parts and all the groups of cells may learn… true life. |
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But there is one thing…. In what he wrote, in what he told me, Sri Aurobindo seemed to take as a sign of the transformation the constant presence of Ananda [bliss]…. And that was one of the things I told him about: the being manifesting in this body, and consequently the body (because even from a very young age, the body had tried to surrender to the inner being, not to remain independent), in the body itself, there had never been either the feeling or the need, or even the intent of living in Ananda. Since it was very small, the body was built with… I might put it like this: “the will to do what had to be done”—to be what it had to be and to do it. When it was very small, the object of the surrender was not known, but the minute it knew it, for it that was very definitive…. You understand, the first contact (as I said) was the divine Presence in the psychic being, and so, the minute it became a fact—a patent fact, there was no arguing, the experience was perfectly conclusive—from that minute, the body had only one idea left (not even one idea, one will), to be what THAT wanted it to be…. Now, for it, it’s beyond any possible discussion: it’s like this (gesture hands open), simply attentive and anxious to do what the Divine wants it to do, and it tries more and more not to feel any difference. That’s beginning—it’s not yet there everywhere. In many parts of the body, there is only ONE thing left: there is not the Thing that wants and the thing that obeys, it’s no longer like that—only ONE Vibration. It’s beginning. But it doesn’t expect it to result in a sense of delight or Ananda or… In fact, it’s quite indifferent to that. It was born and formed quite indifferent. I said that to Sri Aurobindo. (Laughing) He looked at me and said, “There aren’t two people like you on earth!” (Mother laughs) Because, he says, people may overcome the need to be happy (not “be happy,” that doesn’t mean anything), anyway the need of satisfaction, of Ananda, but for it to be spontaneous…! Like that, effortless. No merit! It was quite natural. |
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It’s interesting…. That’s precisely the change of consciousness that has taken place in the body’s cells: if they are told, “Nature will find the means,” it leaves them absolutely indifferent—their impression is that it’s the Divine that DIRECTLY… kneads Matter. That’s the object of what I call the “change of power”: to substitute the divine, direct Power for the power of Nature. And the cells no longer have that… (I can’t find the word in French) that reliance at all. It’s not quite trust, it’s “relying on.” They no longer rely on Nature to do things: they have a conviction and a faith, and even an experience (a fragmentary one) of the direct Influence of the Divine. It’s when Nature does things that it takes time, it’s Nature that needs time. “Whatever the way may be,
you must accept it wholly and put your will into it; with a divided and
wavering will you cannot hope for success in anything, neither in life nor in
yoga.” “To know the highest Truth and to be in harmony with it is the condition of right being; to express it in all that we are, experience and do is the condition of right living.” |
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Everything, but everything should be harmonious—harmony, harmony, harmony. Something… (words are very, very dry, very hollow) something—a vibration it knows well, a vibration which, for it, is… the expressed combination of Love and Harmony. But “love” is small and “harmony” is small. The two together (along with something else) make up its way of being in the universe. |
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But it was in Sri Aurobindo? I SAW him like that—I didn’t touch him. He was luminous and the impression was one of plasticity. Only, he isn’t physical, so in the subtle physical that’s the way it is; but in the subtle physical there are no bones. The transition between this and that is what’s difficult. (long silence) Basically, it’s having a permanence without fixity. Until a new species was conceived of, it was thought that along with fixity there was death and dissolution, and there was no notion of something that would be permanent on earth BUT without being fixed…. We can’t say it’s impossible, because everything is possible, but… it means something very different in the combination of matter. Once you said, you told me that one would become visible or invisible at will—but that means a very great plasticity. And that’s becoming constant. So there is the awareness that there’s only one solution for the body, it’s… total surrender—total. And in that total surrender it realizes that that vibration (how can I explain?), that vibration is not one of dissolution, but something… what?… The unknown, completely unknown—new, unknown. Sometimes it’s struck with panic. And it can’t say it’s in pain much, I can’t call that suffering; it’s something… quite extraordinary. So, for it, the only solution is… to disappear in the divine Consciousness. Then everything is fine. But the body knows it’s not that [i.e., dissolution]. You understand, it’s something it doesn’t know. For a time, it thought there were certain influences or certain actions or certain… and now it realizes it’s not that at all. The thing doesn’t depend on influences, doesn’t depend on events, doesn’t depend on action, doesn’t depend on… it’s… something. Everything is becoming like that, EVERYTHING. The change of sleep is what took place the most easily, but the whole work, all, all that I do—speaking has become a very difficult thing, very difficult… my voice doesn’t come out anymore, it’s as if someone else speaks, you understand? |
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And I would really like not to reach a condition where I’ll be asked to see a doctor, because they can’t understand…. |
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I have noticed that with receptive people (I see people, lots of them), with receptive people, it starts flowing and flowing and flowing… like that. And nothing else: no thought, no… not even sensation. But the strange thing is that if the body becomes conscious of itself… it doesn’t suffer, that’s not suffering, but something which is… an inexpressible discomfort. …And the curious thing is that I don’t at all feel it comes from one place. On the contrary, it’s a concentration: a concentration here, as if… (laughing) as if an expanse of something were pushed through a hole! (Mother draws a small circle between two fingers). You understand, that’s how it is!… Yet, it’s not limited, but it’s… it’s a movement like this (gesture of a flow through Mother). So it’s pointed [at a person or the word]. It’s pointed. |
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I’m not recounting all the details, but my body FELT the battle of the illness. And at the same time it knew it wasn’t its own body, you understand? It was like that, a very complex, very precise consciousness, with a great force. And all of it going on at the same time—I wasn’t asleep. This morning I expected to be told that something very serious had taken place in that family (there are three sick people in it, three women), that something had happened to one of them. And nothing has happened!… But that was a FACT, I mean it was lived in every detail, with an absolutely clear consciousness, and it was in the subtle physical. But… but I tell you, I felt, the body felt very, very ill. Yet at the same time, it knew it was someone else’s illness. And it took the attitude, it said, “This is taking place so I take the necessary attitude for this person.” And all of it fully conscious. It took the attitude and kept it like that for two hours. There’s only one possibility: it happened during the night, when those people were asleep, and they didn’t realize…. You understand, this body’s impression is that it has saved someone’s life. Never, never have I lived so totally in the subtle physical, fully conscious, WITHOUT SLEEPING (I was lying on my bed), and it lasted for two hours. Things were as real, as precise as they are here…. And the same will: it’s not another will, it’s the same; it’s the divine Will through the psychic working in this body. So it acts there or here without difference. In other words, whether I am in this subtle physical or in the material physical, it’s the same will, the same psychic will that acts—the SAME, exactly in the same way. Which means that… I don’t know what the difference is. There’s a difference… it’s thin, you don’t feel it’s something thick or heavy: it’s thin. That union between the two, between the subtle physical and the material physical, is taking place all the time—day and night and day and night. The work is… You might almost say that there is an attempt to substitute one for the other. You understand, it’s the kind of consciousness that says, “My body is suffering,” but it wasn’t my body, it was someone else’s body. It said, “I am suffering, but I know it’s not me, it’s the suffering of one member of this family” (I didn’t try to find out which), “and that’s why—it’s because I must do what I would do in my own case.” And I did it, it lasted for two hours. More and more, there’s a sort of… not exactly fusion [between the subtle physical and the material physical], but… how should I put it?… For everything to hold together, this way of being of the material consciousness continues (the material, physical consciousness), but in it a permeation takes place (it really is a permeation), which doesn’t drive away the other, but… at length, it will probably transform it. It doesn’t drive it [the material consciousness] away, but it’s there and it dominates—at times it doesn’t dominate, it’s the other one that does; and so, depending on the case… it changes external circumstances (its hard to explain). The body [Mother’s] has certainly been chosen as a field of experiment for some reason, which must be a reason of plasticity of the substance (I don’t know). There may be a reason, but in any case it’s a fact that it has been chosen to make the experiment. Because the experiment is under way: it starts with the more subtle, and you can see that it goes… (Mother makes a gesture of progressive descent into Matter). For months and months it has started with the more subtle, and then, VERY slowly and progressively, it has descended into a more material field. Last night, it was really remarkable…. One would have been unable to say, “This is the subtle physical, and that is the material physical.” It was… (Mother holds the fingers of her right hand tightly in those of her left hand), it was surprisingly one within the other. You don’t get the impression of TWO things, yet it’s very different—it seems to be a modality rather than a difference (I don’t know how to express it), a modality that comes exclusively from the consciousness. It’s a phenomenon of consciousness. In last nights experience, it was everything at the same time: the body felt, acted, it was conscious, it observed, decided—everything, just everything at the same time. There even was… I don’t know, I didn’t have a vision of Sri Aurobindo, but I had the sensation of his presence (that often happens: at times I’ll see him and he won’t speak; at other times I won’t see him but I’ll hear him, he’ll speak to me—the laws are no longer the same), and he made me notice, or rather I noted that although the body was suffering a lot (the situation was critical, you know), there wasn’t the shadow of a fear in the body. Then he told me, “Yes, it’s because it is able not to be afraid that you can do the work.” The absence of fear is really the result of the yoga for so many years—for half a century. I remember one thing last night: suddenly I saw a functioning, and I said to myself, “Oh, if we knew this, HOW MANY THINGS—how many fears, how many combinations, how many… would crumble away, would lose all meaning!” It was… what we see as “laws of Nature,” “ineluctable” things, it all was absurd, an absurdity! There is also this well-known thing: according to the concentration of the consciousness, the value of time changes. That’s perpetual and constant. The same circumstances, the same everyday little events I am made to feel with the ordinary consciousness, and then three or four different consciousnesses—and their value changes. It goes from a long, interminable time to… a second. Which means a demonstration of the unreality of time as we perceive it here—that’s every day, all the time. There is a Force acting… At least I think, I feel it’s the Force, because it acts through the will (but it’s deeper or truer or higher or whatever than the will). For instance, if I am not “supposed” to say something, instead of its going through the thought, “Mustn’t speak, you mustn’t speak”—I just can’t speak anymore!… All sorts of things like that. The functioning is direct. And the body is taught to learn… how it should be. The way it eats has completely changed. For speaking too, it’s the same, completely changed. At times, the body feels such a great strength that it gets the feeling it could do… (it feels, it clearly sees, the hands are strong), a strength of a different quality, but much greater than before. And at other times, it can’t even hold itself upright, and for a reason which isn’t… It no longer obeys the same laws as those that keep us upright. So… And all that takes place in a single day!… |
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I remember the first time (that was very long ago, more than… sixty years ago), the first time I asked, “But why do we die? Why do we live to die?—That’s idiotic!” Then I was made to understand that all that we see as “forms” is… (same gesture in perpetual movement). It’s our… clenched little consciousness; a clenched consciousness which makes it all appear a “momentous” phenomenon: we are small, we grow big, and in the end, we dissolve. But everything is like that (same gesture), everything is like that! There are very few things—very few—that are eternal. They have a different quality. It’s the first experience you get when you contact that which is eternal: it has a different vibratory quality… And then, that will to make this last (Mother points to her body), this which is made, entirely made of wrong movements—wrong movements and constantly in movement, constantly changing, constantly (same gesture)…. As Sri Aurobindo said, “You want to make your body and everything around it last as it is?”—No, thank you! (Mother laughs) To last is, in fact, to become conscious, fully conscious in the eternal world. |
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The sensation isn’t the same either. Our way of feeling on the physical level isn’t there, it doesn’t work that way…. It’s more like a sense of proximity or non-communication, or indifference; but things belonging to the indifferent world do not show themselves when the dual vision is there. |
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It’s not afraid. It’s not afraid…. It suffers; sometimes it suffers with a very… a strange kind of suffering! A very strange kind of suffering. But then, how everything is wonderfully arranged! In the Aphorisms, there are all those things of Sri Aurobindo about the unreality of suffering, and it has come just at the right time!5 I said to myself, “But how wonderfully arranged it is!” It just came to tell my body, “Don’t worry!…” The duality [suffering and bliss] is so, so concrete that my body is… it groans, literally groans as if it were suffering terribly, and at the same time it says to itself, “Ah, this is bliss!” And it groans! You understand, the two are like this… (fused gesture). It depends on a little something that looks like an act of will—but that’s not it. That’s not it. I really don’t know… it’s something new. The body groans, and it says, it says to itself it’s suffering, then a little something occurs (but I don’t exactly know what it is; it looks more like an act of will, but that’s not it), and there’s no more suffering, yet it’s not at all what we call “bliss”—we don’t know what it is… it’s something else. It’s something else. But extraordinary. New, completely new—completely new. So all this is blurred, as it were, imprecise, it’s like… something taking place in a nebula, which is not this and not yet that. (silence) It’s no longer, no longer… visibly no longer the body consciousness as it was. No longer: the relationships are no longer the same, the way of hearing, of speaking… (speaking is very difficult, it takes a considerable effort). And it isn’t yet… oh, it’s on the way to something, but it’s not there yet. (long silence) But the presence of the Grace is an absolutely marvelous thing! Because as I see things, the experience as it is… if I were not given at the same time the true meaning of what’s taking place, it would be endless agony—it’s the old way of being which is dying. Naturally, there is the whole yogic preparation, but the body is… you know, it’s a constant miracle! People couldn’t bear it for more than a few minutes, and it goes on and on and on…. It began exactly on the day of darshan. Once or twice, the body was offered to go back to the previous condition—it refused. It said, “No, it’s EITHER this, or else leaving.” It’s difficult… difficult to say precisely. We think that this, this appearance (Mother points to her body) is… to the ordinary consciousness it seems to be the most important thing—it’s obviously the last thing that will change. And to the ordinary consciousness, it seems to be the last thing that will change because its the most important: that will be the surest sign. But it’s not that at all!… It’s not that at all. The important thing is this change in the CONSCIOUSNESS—which has taken place. All the rest is a consequence. And here, in this material world, it appears the most important to us because it’s… everything is upside down. I don’t know how to explain. For us, when this [the body] is able to visibly be something different from what it is, we’ll say, “Ah, now the thing is done.”—That’s not true: the thing IS DONE. This [the body] is a secondary consequence. |
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So then, Aurovilians must want the Truth WHATEVER IT MAY BE…. They call “Truth” what they want, while they must want the truth whatever it may be. |
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There were two activities. The first I can’t recount, because, naturally, it can’t be used. But the second vision was like this: I was walking around naked, but DELIBERATELY naked from here to there (gesture from the top of the chest to the thighs); here (above), there may have been clothes. I was DELIBERATELY showing myself to certain people, and I had near me someone, always the same person: the physical Mother. She is the physical Mother, the image or the symbol of the physical Mother. She was with me, and I was wearing, except on the exposed part…3 (Mother breaks off) Ah, and that part I was showing was sexless, that is to say, neither man nor woman: there was nothing; and its color was… a little like Auroville’s color [orange], like that, but vibrant, that is, as if… not luminous, but with a sort of luminosity. So then, the Mother wore a large cloak, like a large veil over her whole being, with that same color, and she told me, “See, I have put it on because I’ve accepted it—to tell you that I’ve accepted it.” There were two activities. The first I can’t recount, because, naturally, it can’t be used. But the second vision was like this: I was walking around naked, but DELIBERATELY naked from here to there (gesture from the top of the chest to the thighs); here (above), there may have been clothes. I was DELIBERATELY showing myself to certain people, and I had near me someone, always the same person: the physical Mother. She is the physical Mother, the image or the symbol of the physical Mother. She was with me, and I was wearing, except on the exposed part…3 (Mother breaks off) Ah, and that part I was showing was sexless, that is to say, neither man nor woman: there was nothing; and its color was… a little like Auroville’s color [orange], like that, but vibrant, that is, as if… not luminous, but with a sort of luminosity. So then, the Mother wore a large cloak, like a large veil over her whole being, with that same color, and she told me, “See, I have put it on because I’ve accepted it—to tell you that I’ve accepted it.” The skin too was “efflorescent.” And that was the point: no sex, neither man nor woman—no sex. It was a form like this (Mother draws a svelte figure in space), a form resembling our body, but sexless: the two legs joined together. Those two “dreams” were evidently the representation of the two big difficulties of the human consciousness—but completely overcome, they no longer existed. So then, all those human feelings (the feeling of horror, of fear…), all that was absolutely nonexistent, it was all bliss…. In the first “dream,” as I said, there was an intense love, and in the second a dignity, you know, a superior dignity. Those are the two things that must be mastered. What we call death, which is…—it doesn’t exist. Yes, I must add to the first dream that I killed him, but he was still moving! I had killed him point-blank, but he kept on stirring…. I think I shot him with a pistol (though it made no noise and there was no…), but he kept on stirring very well. And he didn’t in the least hold it against me!… You understand, it was the image of the unreality of the falsehood of all those things. But
the second thing, I had always asked, “How is it, the supramental body?
I’d like to see it.” Well, I saw it, I saw my body, how it will
be. It’s fine! (Laughing) It’s fine!… It’s a body…
not very different, but so refined! So… such a refined thing! None of
all those movements—those crude movements—none of those simply
ordinary human movements can exist there: the two can’t be together;
when there is the one, there can’t be the other. That’s the whole
point, it has to be… done, clarified—nothing should remain,
except… except the divine bliss. It’s the MATERIAL Nature, the physical Nature, the material physical Nature, and she said, “I’ve put on the dress, I’ve put on YOUR dress—I’ve put on your dress to tell you that I’ve adopted it.” |
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Generally, it comes like that, that discomfort I mentioned; so, immediately, the body surrenders—surrenders as if saying (it doesn’t say, but anyway it’s as if): “If it’s death, well, may Your Will be done.” You understand, total surrender. So then, when the surrender is… (if it’s more or less effective, I don’t know), sometimes a clarity comes, an understanding, a SELF-EVIDENCE of everything—a truly remarkable state. But it doesn’t last. The least thing disrupts it. The body feels that if it could surrender TOTALLY—have no independent existence, no personal effort, no personal will… insofar as that’s possible, everything is fine. But this is a tension and a fatigue that are becoming absolutely unbearable, so… Generally, that’s what brings about death, it’s the fatigue of the tension of life. Last night again, it was like that…. It’s becoming so, so strong that I… I was like this (gesture of surrender) and the body gave itself in order to… (how can I put it?), we can’t say to “disappear,” but like this (gesture of fusion and surrender). So I was lying on my bed as if… I might say… I can’t say “ready to die” because there was no will either to die or not to die, but it was like this: without resistance, absolutely without resistance. So then, what happened? I don’t know, hours went by, and then I woke up—it isn’t “sleep,” yet it was something like sleep. Last night. In the morning, it wasn’t more difficult than usual—it wasn’t much easier, but not more difficult than usual. Whenever the body manages not to think about itself (I don’t know how to explain this, because it’s not a “thought”), not to be conscious of itself, then things are better. I feel that a work is taking place there, below (Mother touches her body), and a work is taking place in this way (gesture a little higher with the right hand, and below with the left hand, both hands parallel with a space between them), and then between the two, it’s… it’s not yet. So then, what’s going to happen between the two?… This (the right hand, above) is the subtle physical, and this (the left hand, below) is the material physical, and then, between the two, there is a confusion… or something that’s not ready or… |
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Only, I can’t give it as an indication, because I don’t think it’s the same thing with everybody. |
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1) The will to consecrate
oneself entirely to the Divine. That’s what HE said. I found it fine. 2) The Aurovilian must not be a
slave to his desires. The idea is this: “We come to Auroville to escape social and moral rules that are artificially practiced everywhere, but it is not to live in the licentiousness of the satisfaction of every desire: it is to rise above desires in a truer consciousness.” Something like that…. It appears they quite need this! (Mother laughs) So we should add it. 1) The first necessity is the inner discovery so as to find out what one truly is behind all social, moral, cultural…racial, hereditary appearances. But then, we should tell them that there IS a discovery to be made, because many don’t know it at all! (Mother laughs) In the center, there is a free being, vast and knowing, which awaits our discovery and must become the acting center of our being and our life in Auroville. We should teach them to free themselves from the idea of personal possession…. You see, everything belongs to the Divine, and the Divine gives you not only a center (the center of your individuality), but also the possibility of the personal use of a number of things; but you must take them all like that, as things LENT to you by the Divine. The Divine is eternal, of course, he is everlasting, as they say in English, and at the same time as he creates this individual center, a number of things are there to be used for his work, so those things are LENT. That’s exactly the point: you hold them in your possession for a time. It’s to uproot the sense of personal possession. The only true way to cure desires is to give oneself to the Divine and accept what He gives you as the only things you need. But that’s already very advanced. 2) One lives in Auroville to be
free from moral and social conventions; but that freedom must not be a new
slavery to the ego, its desires and ambitions. The fulfillment of desire bars the road to the inner discovery, which can only take place in the peace of perfect disinterestedness. 3) The Aurovilian must free
himself from the sense of personal possession. For our transition in the material world, what is indispensable to our life and action is put at our disposal….according to the place we are to occupy. The more we are CONSCIOUSLY in contact with our inner being, the more the exact means are given to us. It’ll become interesting! |
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Another point: One should organize one’s
life not according to external and artificial rules, but according to an
organized inner consciousness, because if one leaves life alone without
imposing on it the control of a higher consciousness, it becomes hazy and
inexpressive. It means wasting one’s time, in the sense that matter
remains without conscious utilization. |
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6. June 1970 – Savitri: Love and Death |
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If thou art Spirit and Nature
is thy robe, Cast off thy garb and be thy
naked self Immutable in its undying truth, Alone for ever in the mute
Alone. Turn then to God, for him leave
all behind; Forgetting Love, forgetting
Satyavan, Annul thyself in his immobile
peace. O soul, drown in his still beatitude. For thou must die to thyself… Savitri, X.IV.647 But that’s a very interesting phenomenon. Every time I read Savitri, I feel as if I am reading it for the first time, really. It’s not that I understand differently, it’s that its completely new: I never read it before! It’s odd. Its at least the fourth time I read it. And truly there’s everything in it. All the things I’ve discovered lately were there. And I hadn’t seen it. It’s odd. The first time I read it was a revelation; it hung together perfectly well from beginning to end, and I felt I had understood (I did understand something). The second time I read it, I said to myself, “But this isn’t the same thing as what I read!…” It hung together, it made up a whole—and I understood something else. Then, recently when I read, at every passage I said to myself, “How new this is! And how the things I have found since are there!” Today again, that’s how it is, as if I read it for the first time! And it puts me into contact with the things I have just discovered. It’s a miraculous book!
(Mother laughs) |
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10. June 1970 – True Aurovilian |
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5) The whole earth must prepare
for the advent of the new species, and Auroville wants to consciously work to
hasten that advent. 6) What this new species is to
be will be progressively revealed to us. In the meanwhile, the best way is to
consecrate oneself entirely to the Divine. |
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17. June 1970 – Constant Vision |
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I live in a constant sense of wonder! Every minute, what comes is what’s necessary: circumstances, reactions… everything, everything, there’s a constant vision of the wonderful way in which things are organized, the world is organized. And what he says here, the way things are organized to make you advance fast and give you the maximum, the optimum condition of progress—that’s marvelous. And always it comes and presses on the very spot (Mother presses her thumb) where there was a weakness, an incomprehension… always. (Mother goes into a contemplation) It has been a long period
during which the physical has replaced the absent mind and vital, and they
have been replaced by something unlike what was there before. It’s very
interesting, but it has to go to the end [before I can talk about it]. The
work has to go to the end. And it’s a long-drawn-out work. |
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20. June 1970 – The Force of Transformation |
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You see, the Force of
transformation is working very, very strongly, and many people are like that:
the functions are no longer “normal,” as they are called, that is
to say, the functionings are changing, and so the first impression is always
that of a disorder. But if one can put in the body this sort of tranquil
patience, you know, like that, free of worry, after a time things are fine….
With digestion, for instance, one day you can’t digest anything
anymore, so you think that… and then, if you stay VERY STILL, like
that, without worrying—above all, without worrying—you see that
it slowly takes on a different movement, and then it’s all right…
but in a different way, a completely new way. |
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27. June 1970 – Experience of the Consciousness |
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All these last few days, it has been this experience of the consciousness that a very slight shift (how could I put it?), a very slight change of attitude, which isn’t even expressible, and in one case you are in divine bliss; then, things remaining exactly the same, it almost becomes a torture! That’s something constant. At times, you know, the body would scream in pain, and… a very slight, very slight change, which is almost inexpressible, and it becomes bliss—it becomes… it’s something else, this extraordinary thing of the Divine everywhere. So the body is constantly switching from one to the other, like a sort of gymnastics, a struggle of the consciousness between the two. And all these suffering vibrations (Mother points to her cheek) are as though supported by the mass of the general human consciousness—that’s right. While the other [state] is supported by… something that doesn’t seem to intervene, that’s like this (immutable gesture) in comparison with this human mass that tends to express itself… So all that is impossible to say. Constantly, constantly, there is either this immutable Peace—this superlative Peace, you know, which is more than any peace one may feel—and at the same time one knows (I can’t say “one feels,” but one knows) that the movement of transformation is so rapid that it can’t be perceived materially. And the two are concomitant, this body goes from one to the other, and sometimes… sometimes almost the two together! (Mother shakes her head, noting the impossibility of expressing herself.) So then, to the vision of ordinary things, anyway of life as it is, it gives a perception from the standpoint… not the divine standpoint, but in comparison with the Divine, it gives the perception of a general madness, and no really perceptible difference between what people call “mad” and what they call “reasonable.” That… it’s comical, the difference people make. One would be tempted to say, “But you are ALL like that, to varying degrees!…” So… All that is a WORLD of simultaneous perceptions, so it’s really impossible to speak. For instance, with anything happening, there is, at the same time, the explanation (“explanation” isn’t the right word, but anyway…), the explanation of the ordinary human consciousness (“ordinary,” I don’t mean banal, I mean the human consciousness), then the explanation as Sri Aurobindo gives it in an illumined mind, and then… the divine perception. All three simultaneously, for the same thing—how, how do you describe it?! And it’s constant, it’s all the time like that. So then, this (Mother points to her body) isn’t in a condition to express itself, it’s not the time for expression. To such a point that when I
write it’s also like that. So I try to put what our idiotic formulas
can hold—and I put so much, so much that can’t be expressed with
words, that when they read back to me what I wrote, I feel like saying, “You
must be joking, you took away everything!…” |
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1. July 1970 – Vision of Supramental Being |
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R. was here, just in front of me, kneeling, and I saw her psychic being towering above by this much (gesture about eight inches), taller. It’s the first time. Her physical being was short, and the psychic being was tall, like this. And it was a sexless being: neither man nor woman. So I said to myself (it may be always that way, I don’t know, but at that time I noticed it very clearly), I said to myself, “But the psychic being is the one that will materialize and become the supramental being!” I saw it, it was like that. There were distinctive features, but not very pronounced, and it was clearly a being that was neither male nor female, that had features of both combined. And it was taller than her, it exceeded her on every side by about this much (gesture extending beyond the physical being by about eight inches). She was here, and it was like this (gesture). Its color was… this color that, if it became very material, would be Auroville’s color [orange]. It was softer, as if behind a veil, it wasn’t absolutely precise, but it was this color. And there was hair, but… it was something else. This creation gives you a clear impression that nothing is arbitrary, that there is a sort of divine logic behind, which isn’t like our human logic, but highly superior to our logic (but it exists), and that logic was fully satisfied when I saw that. So then, I understood why the mind and the vital were sent away from this body, and the psychic being was left (naturally, it was the psychic being that governed all movements earlier, so it was nothing new, but there were no more difficulties: all the complications coming from the vital and the mind, which add their imprints, their tendencies, it was all gone). So I understood: “Ah, that’s it, it’s this psychic being that is to become the supramental being.” I had never bothered to know what it looked like. But when I saw that, I understood. And I see it, I still see it, I have kept the memory. Its hair almost looked red, strangely (it wasn’t like red hair, but it looked like it). And its expression! Such a fine expression, gently ironical… oh, extraordinary, extraordinary! And the psychic is precisely
what lives on. So if it materialized, it means doing away with death. But “doing
away”… what’s done away with is only what’s not according
to the Truth, that’s what goes away—all that’s incapable of
being transformed in the image of the psychic, of being part of the psychic. |
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4. July 1970 – Mother’s Body |
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The body has itself reached that point, it finds it very difficult to feel a separate existence for itself, and (laughing) curiously that’s only (Mother touches her cheek), only when it’s in pain. For instance, I constantly have a toothache, here (this area as I told you [Mother points to her mouth and throat]), and that’s it, it’s the only thing that gives me the sense of being “my body” It doesn’t feel separate. So I think that’s the natural condition for the normal development. You understand, the impression of “feeling” in a certain way, of “thinking” in a certain way, all that has completely vanished: you receive indications—sometimes of the way this person feels or that one reacts—but that’s when a work needs to be done: it’s an indication, and it’s something taking place there, like this (gesture around, some distance away), it’s not within. No, I looked several times: I’ve always had the impression that things are fine (I mean for you), that the progress is quite fine. You’re on the way. It’s all right. And I find a great change…. There’s only one corner, maybe of the speculative mind, that still has an attitude of its own—high enough in the mind, not an ordinary mind, a mind… (gesture above). But that’s nothing. But it’s rather strange, I could put it this way: it’s about the only part (gesture from the cheek to the chin) that’s conscious of the way people are and of what comes from them, and which still has reactions we could call “personal.” That is to say, if the atmosphere is troubled, well, there’s disorder [in that part in Mother], it’s subject [to the outside disorder] and that seems to be the only part. Otherwise, all the rest is… as if bathed, constantly bathed in the Divine, and automatically everything goes to the Divine. The divine Will goes through (gesture of descent and diffusion through Mother) and causes it to act—automatically. So then, at certain times, for some reason or other, the body calls (the mantra I told you), and as a result… (gesture of dilation) suddenly the cells go into a bliss—it only lasts a minute (not even a minute, a few seconds), but the simple fact of saying that, and it’s bliss. Afterwards, everything starts up again (gesture indicating the normal rhythm). I think (the other day you told me something was wrong in your body), I think that on those spots that aren’t yet on the way to transformation, there’s an increase, as though a concentration of the difficulty: one feels more ill at such spots. The only possible thing is… (Mother opens her hands) the peace of total surrender, like this (absolutely flat gesture, vast, immutable): come what may. There. Then things are fine. I noticed that if, on the trouble spot, one can establish that peace—a total peace, you know, the peace of perfect surrender: abdicate all preoccupation, all aspiration, all, all like this (same vast, immutable gesture), then it helps restore order. Only, for people who don’t know that, appearances are misleading: they feel more ill, they have attacks, things of that sort. So they don’t understand anymore. I had, countless times, the experience that when the body can catch hold of that attitude (completely, I mean, even beyond the aspiration to union or to transformation: THIS WAY [same vast gesture]), it’s almost miraculous, instantaneous. But with a wrong movement it comes back. It’s not established permanently—how do you manage to do that? I don’t know…. Probably there should no longer be anywhere the presence of the possibility of a wrong movement. But that’s difficult…. You breathe, you eat, you… and it’s the Divine. If I were to tell in detail
what goes on, it’s absolutely wonderful!… For instance, while
eating, when the body keeps its true attitude and the perception of the
Divine presence in all things, and naturally in what it absorbs, and when it
absorbs it automatically with that attitude, without any contradiction,
everything takes place without any difficulty. To such a point that if the
attitude “deteriorates” (whatever), things can go to…
(gesture of choking) swallowing the wrong way, like that, in the space of a
few seconds. It’s clearly a transitional period, but how long will it
last? I don’t know…. The harmony of the functioning is becoming…
miraculous—miraculous. Only, it’s not automatic, it still depends
on the attitude. It’s not something that imposes itself, it’s a
consequence. |
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11. July 1970 – Rising of the Kundalini |
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This “rising of the kundalini,” I had it in… I was still in Paris. It was before I came to India. I had read Vivekananda’s books about it…. And when the Force rose, it emerged from the head through here (gesture at the top of the head); the [classic] experience was never described in that way. The Force came out and the consciousness settled here (gesture about eight inches above the head). So when I came here, I told Sri Aurobindo about it; he told me it had been the same thing with him, and that according to the teaching of [ancient] texts, you “cannot” live when that takes place: you die! So… (laughing) he told me, “Here are two who haven’t died!” The consciousness has remained there (gesture above), it didn’t come down again; it’s there, its always there. Here, slightly above the head (same gesture about eight inches), like this. Whenever I try to know something, it’s always the same: everything stops and I listen there (gesture above), that’s where I listen. And then, when I went back from here [to France, in 1915]… I did something deliberately: all the energies of the last center [at the base of the spine] were drawn up here (gesture to the heart). But I felt centers BELOW the feet. I felt a center below the feet….5 There was one below the feet, one at the knees, one here (gesture at the base of the spine), and all of it (Mother gestures, drawing the energies upward), like this, drawn up, and it came here (gesture to the heart). What I am conscious of is the Consciousness there (gesture above); that’s something unchanging. This (gesture to the forehead): blank. If it starts stirring, its very uncomfortable, but generally it doesn’t stir at all—one day it stirred for a few minutes, and it was extremely unpleasant. It’s like this (gesture like a motionless bar), blank: a blank feeling, like blank paper…. This (gesture from the throat to the mouth) is the connection with people, and that’s EXTREMELY unpleasant, really extremely unpleasant (I can’t say), and materially it results in the deterioration of teeth and… Very unpleasant. Here (gesture to the heart)… I told you, all energies, from below the feet (Mother gestures as if pulling it all upward), all that was brought up to here. Here (gesture to the heart), it’s like a sun, always. It’s like a radiant sun: that’s where I work; that’s where I work from…. But with the centers there (gesture to the base of the spine), all the energies have been as if brought up to the heart. And that’s so natural…. This and this (gesture to the heart and above the head), it’s so natural that I don’t even observe it anymore: it’s my way of being. But the consciousness isn’t centered in the body, and the body is felt… almost like a transmitting pipe! Grace-Light, that’s what is working, you know: the work being done through this [Mothers body] is exactly like that, it’s exactly like a Grace-Light. I liked that a lot. It’s exactly that. You see, it’s a light with several degrees, and in the most material it’s slightly… it must be the supramental force, because it’s slightly golden, slightly pinkish (you know that light), but very, very pale. One of them (gesture pointing to another, higher layer) is white like milk, opaque—it’s very strong. And there’s another (gesture very high) which is white like… it’s transparent light. With that one, it’s strange: one drop of it on the hostile forces, and they’re dissolved. They melt like this (gesture before one’s very eyes). I said all that to Sri Aurobindo, he completely confirmed it. That’s essentially the Grace in its… (gesture very high) supreme state. It’s a Light… it has no color, you know, it’s transparent, and that Light (I have experienced that, I mention it because I know it), if you put it on a hostile being… it melts like that. It’s extraordinary…. And then, in its “benevolent” form, as we might call it (that is to say, the Grace helping and assisting and healing), it’s white like milk. And if I want a wholly material action (but this is quite recent—it’s since this new Consciousness came), then in its physical action, on the physical, it’s become slightly colored: it’s luminous, golden with some pink in it, but it’s not pink… (Mother takes a hibiscus next to her). It’s like this. Like Auroville’s flower. But I DELIBERATELY chose it as Auroville’s flower, for that reason. And my impression is that this is the supra-mental color: when I see beings from the supramental, they have… not quite this color…. It’s not like a flower, it’s like flesh. But it’s like this (Mother points to the flower’s color). But there is this Consciousness… all of a sudden, when you no longer ARE, when there’s nothing but That, this Consciousness there (gesture around the head), a slightly golden Consciousness, you REALLY get the impression of omnipotence and… And here you know NOTHING! Nothing, nothing at all, you can’t explain anything. All that is… what I call mental imaginings. Now, when I am asked a
question, nothing, nothing responds, and then all of a sudden the answer
comes (gesture of descent) in words; but if I am not very attentive, prrt! nothing remains, I can’t even recapture the
words…. The consciousness of the answer is there (gesture above), it
doesn’t budge, it’s always there, this consciousness, but the
materialization of it is very fleeting. |
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25. July 1970 – Men’s Actions |
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The Divine does not see things the way men do... and does not need to punish and reward. All actions carry in themselves their fruit along with their consequences. According to its nature, the action brings you closer to the Divine or takes you away from the Divine… and that is the supreme consequence. So… you see in the universe the immense Movement drawing closer to the Divine, and how EVERYTHING, everything in it is like that [advancing towards the Divine]…. I’d like to pass on to you my experience, it’s extraordinary!… Simply that. It’s created in such a way, organized in such a way that EVERYTHING is like that, and every second (so then I understand; I understand movements I have felt in the consciousness, which I couldn’t explain to myself), it’s automatic and CONTINUOUS, every second (we divide it into seconds, but it’s continuous). So it’s going forward towards the Divine, towards the conscious identification with the Divine, or else going backward. The body had felt things it didn’t understand, because the consciousness was in a certain way, and some things were wrong (a very slight discomfort suddenly, you don’t know why)—that’s the reason. It explains everything, EVERYTHING. That way, the working of the universe is FULLY explained. But all, all human conceptions fall away. It’s so simple! So simple. And this whole huge mental edifice people have built to try and explain falls to the ground. It [the working] is automatic. Automatic and universal. And I noticed it wasn’t something vague or imprecise: it’s exact, as if every element had its own destiny…. One day you may take a big step backward, and the next day a big step forward. It explains the whole apparent confusion of the world. Oh, suddenly I was lighter. As if a weight, a weight of Ignorance had been taken off from me. It’s the precision, the
exactness—it’s the Supreme Consciousness everywhere. We even have
difficulty conceiving it, but its obvious… blindingly obvious. |
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25. July 1970 – Spelling Aurovillian |
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I
write it with a single “I”. Deliberately.
(Laughing) It’s not French, it’s Aurovilian! |
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25. July
1970 – Mother’s
Experience |
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I must say that two days ago, I had an experience (it was with R. again, she was here), an experience of the whole universe, like a general vision of an Immensity, and then, suddenly the consciousness seemed to become a point taking up no room, and that point was the Eternal Consciousness. But then, it was so strong! So strong… how all this, this whole unfolded universe was the result of this Consciousness (Mother shows a point). You understand, the consciousness here became this Eternal Consciousness (for a few seconds perhaps, I don’t think it lasted even a minute, but time had nothing to do with it), it was the Eternal, it was the Consciousness. And that experience already prepared something [in Mother], because the two were simultaneous; one didn’t abolish the other, the two were simultaneous: this Point that was taking up no room but was eternal, was everything, and at the same time, the unfolding [of the universe]. That was a very intense experience. Then there only remained this vagueness that is the “whole,” but it didn’t lose its impression of vagueness, that is to say, of something imprecise. Since that time, there has been something changed [in Mother]. And today, in this consciousness, when the answer came, it wasn’t the knowledge of “that”—it wasn’t the knowledge, it was the working. All of a sudden, I had BECOME the working. So then, I expressed it as best I could in this notebook…. It had such simplicity, you know, a marvelous, all-powerful simplicity! It gave me at the same time a sort of bodily experience of the universal movement of the return of the consciousness towards the Divine; and that… a perception that wasn’t mental at all, not at all, as if all the cells felt this movement, you understand, this movement of immense return towards the Consciousness. It must be the movement of the universe towards the Supreme. I must say that certain things contributed to the experience: in answer to certain questions, yesterday Z told me about the age of the earth, and how they have now managed to measure it (things that are the mental approach to the problem), and suddenly, when he spoke, suddenly there came this sort of union and… (what should I say?) almost a sensation, in the body, of the earth returning to the Divine Consciousness. So the conjunction, combination of all that resulted in this experience. Previously when I used to have experiences (long ago, years ago), it was the mind that benefited more or less, and then it would spread it, use it; now it’s not like that: it’s directly the body, it’s the body that has the experience, and it’s MUCH TRUER. There’s an intellectual attitude that puts a kind of veil or… I don’t know, something… something unreal on the perception of things—an attitude, it’s an attitude. It’s like seeing through a certain veil or a certain… something… a certain atmosphere, whereas the body feels the thing in itself, it BECOMES that. It feels in itself. It’s not as if the thing were taken like this (gesture of absorption in oneself), it’s as if the body itself BECAME that (gesture of bursting or expansion). Instead of shrinking the experience down to the individuals scale, the individual widens to the scale of the experience. With the perception of space (which must correspond to something), things move away (in what I saw, my experience), they move away as if to follow a vaster curve in order to… That’s it: the move away is to broaden one’s horizon or field of action. But the interesting thing (very interesting for me) is that the body was very preoccupied with all the difficulties of the transformation, and this experience has given it… I can’t call it a “joy” (it’s something infinitely superior and greater, stronger—it’s so immense!…), as if all the cells were dancing with joy. That’s the impression. These last few days too, I wondered why the body is so absorbed in the difficulties of the transformation, and I received no answer, except to be patient and tranquil and not to fret—as always. But now I understand!… It can only be joyful in a certain atmosphere of truth; then… everything seems to broaden, to relax, and then there’s an extraordinary joy with no equivalent in the ordinary perception, none at all. (Laughing) It’s a bit as if someone had taken my head and turned it around! (Mother turns her head upward). You know, this (gesture above) is where the Consciousness is, so the head was taken and turned the right way! (laughter) It’s limitations that
create the sense of evil, of bad—as soon as you do away with the
limitations, it’s gone. |
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5. September 1970 – Prolongation of Life |
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There is around an atmosphere…
a mixed and complex atmosphere of those who don’t believe in the
possibility of… It believes in the possibility of the prolongation of
life, but not in these conditions—not this, it’s absurd, of
course, absurd! |
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9. September
1970 – The
Body’s Mantra |
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My body
repeats the Mantra ceaselessly. I think it couldn’t hold out if it
didn’t… Constantly, constantly. |
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12.
September 1970 – Mother’s Body |
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For me, this life in the body is almost a torture, in the sense that it has no interest in itself, you understand…. I had stopped enjoying it physically long ago. To such a point that people don’t understand why I suffer: I don’t look ill, except for this short breath which isn’t that serious. I have nothing that may really be called a suffering—nothing. It’s a sort of… At any rate, the least I may say is a complete lack of interest: whether I eat or not… The only thing is that I can’t rest, in fact I can’t… (Mother gestures as if withdrawing from her body) go into a… [higher consciousness]. That’s something… For SO MANY years, so many years, more than twenty years maybe, I would lie down in bed and phew! (gesture of withdrawal) I would go into the Lord. And I am now forbidden to do this—that’s probably what is the greatest suffering. And when you ask doctors to tell you what they know, you get a feeling that it’s only a partial, superficial observation, and the true thing is lacking. So when you ask them, they say, “Ah no, that we don’t know.” So there we are, like that… You understand, I feel as if I am plunged in a world I do not know, struggling with laws I do not know… and to work out a change I do not know either—what’s the nature of this change?… It’s not too pleasant. When you do that in good
health and in movement, in action, it’s quite fine, quite lovely; but
like this, as I am here, you know, with a physical helplessness, it’s
terrible! |
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16.
September 1970 – Mother’s Dream of the Child
on the Roof |
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She (the child) was someone
like you, about your height [five foot two], your dimensions, and I said to
her, “You’re so sweet, so sweet!…” She was all
luminous, but her arms and legs were as if stuck to the body. And no fear—neither
I nor the child were afraid. |
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30.
September 1970 – Is the Earth ready? |
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…Whereas, if one were
open and simply breathing—that’s all, doing nothing else—one
would breathe Consciousness, Light, Comprehension, Force, Love and all the
rest. But all that is wasted on the earth, because the earth isn’t
ready to take it. There. |
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7. October 1970 – Satprem’s
Books |
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Secrets
are simple, because the truth is simple…. And what looked like a human
impossibility will become child’s play. |
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14. October 1970 – Mother about
Universal Mother |
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If, for any reason, this body
becomes unusable, the universal Mother will again start manifesting in
hundreds of individualities according to their capacity and receptivity, each
one being a partial manifestation of the Universal Consciousness. |
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31. October 1970 – A World being
built |
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It makes me go out completely…. I lose all contact, it’s strange. It’s the second time it has done this to me. Everything disappears: I go into a formation of that, and it’s the only thing left. A very odd phenomenon. The whole world disappears. And when you stopped, it was as if I suddenly FELL from somewhere. It’s strange. Very interesting. I feel I am entering what will replace the mind. An atmosphere that will replace the mind, the atmosphere of the new creation…. I had it very strongly last time, but it was the first time—I was utterly nonplused, I thought it depended on my condition. But today I listened quite as usual, and all of a sudden, without my even noticing it, I was transported into an atmosphere… an atmosphere of comprehension. And when you stopped ([laughing] gesture of falling to the ground)… Strange. It’s like a world being built. I understand ELSEWHERE, you
understand? It’s no longer the same thing. I understand elsewhere. And “understand,”
it’s wonderfully clear and expressive. Strange! It’s interesting.
I had forgotten it had happened last time, and exactly the same thing
recurred. It’s very interesting. |
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4. November 1970 – It’s a
Whole New World |
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As
for me, I could keep listening like that without moving for hours! It’s
very restful. I don’t know how to explain…. It’s very
restful. It’s
strange…. You no longer feel like moving, no longer feel like speaking,
nothing anymore. |
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5. November 1970 – Messengers of
Light and Truth |
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We want to be messengers of
light and truth. And first of all, a future of harmony is waiting to be
announced to the world. The time has come for the old habit of ruling through
fear to be replaced with the rule of love. |
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7. November 1970 – Past and
Future Lives |
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The knowledge of past lives is
interesting for a knowledge of one’s nature and the mastery of
one’s imperfections. But to tell the truth, it has no crucial
importance and it is far more important to concentrate on the future, on the
consciousness we must acquire and the development of the nature, which is
almost limitless for those who know how to do it. We are at a specially
favorable time of universal existence, when everything on the earth is
preparing for a new creation, or rather a new manifestation in the eternal
creation. |
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14. November 1970 – About
Children |
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But if parents knew how to do
it, they could… This child could be absolutely remarkable, you know,
with a full conscious vital. Nowadays they bring me all the
children born in Auroville, and I see… I see surprising things. With
some (not many, one or two), it’s like a very small animal, it’s
nothing—it’s very sweet: a very small animal. But with almost all
of them, it’s a conscious being. And the parents are absolutely stupid
in their behavior with them, because they don’t know, they don’t
understand. I saw one today again (tiny
gesture): he is three or four days old, five days—this big—and I
saw the consciousness there is inside: it’s admirable! But then, they treat him like
a small animal—he has no means of defense. (silence) Is it those little ones who
will become the intermediary beings?… I don’t know. |
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25. November 1970 – About
Satprem’s Book |
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On the Way to Supermanhood: It’s extraordinary!
There is a sort of… a sort of EMOTION in it, which doesn’t belong
to this world. It puts you into contact with a certain… I don’t
know what to call it, but it’s like an emotion1 which is beyond the
mind—beyond everything, everything, not only the mind but the
intellectual. Its a new emotion. I
can’t describe. It’s strange. And every time it does the same
thing, every time I say to myself, “I’ll be very careful to
follow and see”—and… I try to keep my consciousness in its
natural state, but then IN SPITE OF MYSELF, it’s something that… It’s
like a magic, mon petit! It’s something like
emotion, but an emotion that knows, an emotion that understands. It’s
not a thought. It’s really interesting. And every time, it becomes
increasingly conscious; every time, I say to myself, “This time, I
won’t let myself get caught!” (laughter) But this time, I was
more conscious of what it was…. And it’s a new thing which is
beyond the mind, the intellectual and the whole comprehension, and it’s
a way of being that… (I don’t know what to call it), it’s
something like an emotion, but very clear and VERY conscious. |
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28. November 1970 – Savitri |
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It lends beauty to the terror
of the gulfs And fascinating eyes to
perilous Gods, Invests with grace the demon
and the snake. II.II.106 It’s charming! That’s exactly the
nature of the vital, what Théon called the “nervous world.” |
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3. December 1970 –
Mother’s Ordeal |
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From this day, Mother went
through a long ordeal that lasted more than a month and a half. That will be
the last turning point after those of 1962 and 1968. Satprem will see her
again only on January 16. On December 31, her faithful cashier Satyakarma
left his body, the last in the unhappy series that deprived Mother of her
most reliable helpers. In the course of this ordeal, Mother was affected
successively in the chest, the abdomen, then the legs and down to the feet. The
first bedsores appeared on her back. |
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